Because I Could Not Stop For Death
by PrincessInTheRain
Summary: AU! Blaine is a doctor and Kurt is an artist with a drug problem. Their destinies cross. Will Blaine be able to help Kurt? Will Kurt fill a void in Blaine's life? Klaine. Warning: Drug abuse and swearing.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: Doctor, Doctor**

**AN: Hi everyone! Welcome to my story. This story will contain drug abuse, drug withdrawal and everything that comes along with that. Doctor!Blaine and drug addict/artist!Kurt. I hope you like it. **

**Disclaimer: If I owned Glee, I would have given you guys Klaine sex already!**

A small boy shifted slightly. Despite the warm temperature in the room, he felt cold. So cold and numb. Like he had a wet, heavy blanket over him, forcing him to lay down. He couldn't feel his fingers or his toes. His body felt distant, like it belonged to someone else. Even though his eyelids were nailed shut, he could feel the sharp light on the ceiling through them.

Little by little, the small boy's hearing returned, and he was surprised to recognise the voice of his brother, Finn. Puzzled by where he was and what his brother was doing here, he tried to concentrate on their conversation.

A second voice joined Finn's.  
>"He should be fine in a few hours", a sweet and soothing male voice said. Kurt thought it sounded like honey impersonated.<p>

"That long, doctor?", Finn exclaimed impatiently.

Kurt drew the conclusion that he was in a hospital and the man with the silky voice was indeed a doctor.

"His body has had a rough day, with the overdose and the cleansing", the doctor replied.

Suddenly Kurt tensed. He realised that he had OD'ed. And Finn was there. He was in a hospital because he overdosed. Shit. Finn was going to kill me, Kurt thought. How was he supposed to explain his way out of this?

"I'm still keeping him sedated", the doctor informed and injected a new fluid in Kurt's IV.

Suddenly the world felt so heavy and Kurt's already closed eyelids felt like lead. He finally gave in to the drowsy feeling and fell asleep.

It was such a shame, thought Dr. Anderson. Seeing this beautiful boy spread on a bed looking so helpless and vulnerable. A huge part of being a doctor is to see people broken and sick. Sometimes he saw young lives being snatched away from brittle fingers, and sometimes he saw lives being thrown away by young people. Like drunken driving. But part of being a doctor also means that you don't get to have an opinion on stuff like this. You just do your job. That's what Blaine Anderson told himself when he found himself getting attached to his patients. He was here to do his job. Not that he was getting attached to Kurt, he merely hated to see the unknown, young man so helpless.

But the best part of being a doctor was to be able to help the patients that were within help's reach. To be able to see them be healthy and smile again. And that was why he decided to become a doctor. That, and his father's constant pressure. But, it was a decision he never regretted.

Kurt Hummel seamed to be slowly regaining conscience, and the moment the small boy twitched, his brother Finn Hudson was on his feet.

"Is he alright?", he enquired without removing his eyes from Kurt.

Blaine smiled reassuringly.  
>"He'll be fine. He might be in some pain, but he'll be fine. I want to keep him here for at least a day more so that I can run tests, though"<p>

Kurt opened his eyes slowly and the doctor hurried to his side with a small flashlight in my hand. After getting over the initial shock of his burning retinas, the first thing Kurt saw was a young man smiling kindly. He couldn't have been older than 25 years old. The first thought that came to Kurt's mind was that the doctor was beautiful. Pure beautiful.

"Hi Kurt. I am doctor Blaine Anderson. How are you feeling?", Blaine asked in a friendly tone, not wanting to scare away the patient.

The petite boy looked perplexed and tried to sit up. He wanted to get closer to this beautiful man. However, as he tried to get up, he felt a searing pain down his spine, forcing him to lie down again.

"Like I just got kicked out of hell for being too hideous", Kurt retorted sarcastically. Blaine had to refrain from laughing.

"Well, that's how you feel when you've overdosed. We are working on getting the poison out of your system and the cleansing process isn't pretty", Blaine said with a sympathetic smile. He didn't envy anyone to be in this situation and he shuddered by just the thought of what would have happened if Kurt hadn't been found and brought to the hospital soon enough.

Kurt didn't seem dazed by this piece of information, Blaine noticed. Was he used to overdosing? Maybe he just didn't care. Blaine wanted to say something, but he refrained from doing so. Instead, he checked his pulse, throat and followed the remaining standard procedure.

Kurt looked down to assess his attire, just to find out that he was wearing absolutely horrendous hospital robes. He wanted to shriek, but he was afraid that the pain would come back.

So Kurt just held his eyes on the oh so cute doctor. What did he say his name was? Blaine Anderson? Yeah, that was it. Blaine… Such an unusual name. But so was Kurt.

Suddenly, Kurt found the doctor poking around his throat with something that resembled an ice cream stick. Blaine flashed his light down Kurt's throat to evaluate the damage and the only thing Kurt could think was that he hadn't brushed his teeth day. Willing to die from embarrassment, he tried to pull away from the handsome doctor.

"Kurt, you have to cooperate with me here", Blaine simply stated in a patient voice.

Reluctantly, Kurt complied, letting him run the tests that were necessary. He also tried to avoid Finn's stares. Finn had been quiet during their small exchange, but Kurt knew that the moment Doctor Blaine left the hospital room, Finn would jump to his chance to confront him.

Finn was actually Kurt's stepbrother, but sometimes Kurt thought that he tried to be his dad. If Kurt was being honest with himself, it made him really, really mad. His dad was dead. Stone, cold dead. Together with his mom and everyone else who cared about him. That was the way he looked at it.

Ever since his dad died, Finn insisted on checking on him to make sure that he was on the right track. The track that he gave that up the day his father died. Most of the time, Kurt felt that he had nothing to fight for anymore. No one to keep alive.

Sometimes, during awkward situations, Kurt thought about how he got here. How did Kurt Hummel –the fashion guru, falsetto singer, painting Michelangelo – end up doing absolutely nothing with his life? Sure, he had a small studio in the shady corner of town where he could paint whenever he wanted, but how did he end up being the drug induced loser?

It started with the sexuality conflict. Yes, Kurt Hummel was gay. Rainbows and unicorn gay. Until the bullying started. Yes, he was weak. He couldn't cope with being called names all the time. The rude drawings of him in the bathroom stalls, that his designer clothes were stolen and sent back to him in a ruined state, the constant murmuring and whispering whenever he walked past. He was sick and tired of no one caring about him. Of no one seeing him – really seeing him for who he was. And the pain he felt inside of him, the pain that he revealed to no one, not even his own father, didn't go away.

It only became worse. He started getting death threats. He was afraid to go to school, afraid of living, afraid of being himself. He stopped going out in designer clothes. He tried to blend in. Just be another one in the crowd. The teasing stopped a bit, but only because half of the student body thought that he had transferred. Or died. And that was how Kurt felt. He felt that a part of him had died because he had given up on everything he was, and tried to be like everyone else instead.

The pain didn't stop though. Every time he saw himself in the mirror, he felt so fucking ashamed. So hideous. Unbeautiful. Unloved. So out of control. Miraculously, he found a few friends. Outcasts like himself. He tried to be liked there. Tried to be like them. Tried to like the music they liked and talked about the things they liked to talk about. He tried his first joint. He snorted coke for the first time. He did a lot of first times with this group of "friends". But when the night was near and darkness surrendered him, he was still alone. The only thing that kept Kurt from total self destruction was the art he made. Kurt loved to paint and draw. He would draw on anything – napkins, benches, anything. The only time he ever felt like himself, the only time he ever felt happiness was when he drew. Then he'd stop drawing and the pain will come back. The happiness and the pain played a game of tug o war with Kurt and most days he felt stretched too thin. And when even he couldn't do it anymore, Kurt turned to the white heaven of cocaine. Problem was that it seemed Kurt couldn't do it everyday. And a stupid first time becomes an addiction.

"I'm going to keep you here until tomorrow evening", Blaine said and Kurt was dragged away from his reverie.

"What? Is that necessary? I want to go home now", Kurt protested. Being in this hospital made him feel so unclean and exposed. He wanted to go home, even though home was a small one room apartment with almost no furniture.

Blaine smiled at him and looked absolutely friendly. Kurt didn't know whether to be reassured or infuriated by this. In reality he felt his heart beat a little faster when he saw that gorgeous smile. Blaine found it endearing that Kurt put up a fight and tried his best to explain to him why he should stay.

"I want to know that everything is ok with you before I let you go", Dr. Anderson said softly.  
>"Overdosing is a serious problem, Kurt, and it's not to be taken lightly", he added in a more serious tone. Kurt groaned inwardly. Another person telling him what to do and what to not do. Great. Just what he needed.<p>

On the other side, he'd get to spend more time with the alarmingly handsome doctor.

"Can you sit up for me?", Doctor Anderson asked. Kurt hesitated.

"I'd rather not. It felt like a fucking mother ship slamming in my back the last time I tried"

Blaine frowned.  
>"That doesn't sound good", he mumbled.<p>

"I need to have a look at your back. I have to turn you around, but I'll help you so that it'll be as painless as possible, ok?", Blaine asked, his eyes searching Kurt's for an answer. Kurt nodded slightly, cringing inwardly to embrace the inevitable pain. Blaine turned his over carefully so that he wouldn't mess up the IV or cause Kurt distress.

Nevertheless, Kurt felt the same numbing pain and screamed.  
>"Motherfucking holy McQueen!"<p>

Blaine finally succeeded in turning him around so that he was lying on his stomach. Kurt gasped in pain when Blaine's professional fingers ran over his back to assess the damage. The doctor pulled Kurt's hospital robe up to reveal the bruises on Kurt's back. The frown was back on his forehead. Hell, he had forgotten about the tremendous fall he had when he was high. Seemed that it was more serious than he had thought it was at that time. But then again, he wasn't really thinking straight.

"I'm afraid I have to keep you here longer than just for a day, Kurt. It seems you have a minor injury to your spinal cord. Nothing serious, it's just best if we can monitor you while you heal", he said reassuringly.

Kurt let out a frustrated cry, but didn't say anything. He felt helpless and vunerable. And in pain.

"We need to turn you back so that you don't sleep on your stomach", Blaine said after pulling Kurt's robe back down.

Kurt yelped.  
>"No! No, I don't want to move again. Please, it hurt so bad.."<p>

Blaine stroke Kurt's hair without thinking about it.  
>"Sh.. Are you sure? We can do it very slowly and carefully"<p>

Kurt had already made up his mind.  
>"No. I'm not moving"<br>"I associate this position with pleasure anyways..", he added with a dry chuckle. Finn tensed beside him.

Blaine froze. Did Kurt just make a gay sex joke? Despite how humorless it was? He cleared his throat and tried to hide his blush.

"Fine. I'll increase your painkiller dose just a bit so that you can sleep peacefully"

Blaine increased the amount of numbing solution in his IV, and the last thing on Kurt's mind before he fell asleep was Blaine's pretty face.

"What the hell, dude? You sedated him again? I wanted to talk to him. To yell at him for being so fucking irresponsible!", Finn raised his voice, kicking his chair backwards in frustration as he stood up. Finn loved his brother, he really did. But sometimes he wished that he could have a normal brother that he could watch football matches with, instead of a brother that he had to constantly bail out of jail for drug possession or loan money to because he had wasted all his money on drugs, paint and booze. And today was one of those days that he had enough.

Blaine just sighed.

"Mr. Hudson, my best interests lie with Kurt. My job is to cure him and make him fit enough to function again. And you yelling at him wouldn't make my job easier. For that purpose, I suggest you talk to him about this when he has fully recovered and be supportive of him until he does."

Finn fumed silently.  
>"Fine. But, I'm going home", he mumbled and left the hospital with his coat in his arms.<p>

Blaine smiled at the sight of a peaceful Kurt sleeping before he continued to see other patients who needed his attention.

**AN: I hope you guys liked it! Please review : )**


	2. Chapter 2

****Chapter 2: Give me that feeling****

**AN: Thank you so much to my wonderful beta Lieve who has been so patient with me. This one is for you!**

The merciless sun burning through the window waked Kurt. Disorientation kicked in and he tried to turn his head a little too fast to see where he was, only to experience the same severe pain down his spine that he felt yesterday. The events from yesterday came tumbling down on him, and suddenly he remembered where he was. Not that it made the situation any better. He noticed that Finn was not there anymore and the cute doctor had vanished. He has also miraculously rolled over on his back without any complications. A small smile tugged on Kurt's lips. It wasn't much, but he had accomplished something on his own. Hopefully, he'll be back home in no time again.

Then he felt the feeling. He had felt it so many times before, but now it was with so much more desperation because his body knew that he couldn't have it. Cocaine. Just thinking about it made Kurt's heart beat faster, his palms sweat and his throat feel like the Sahara dessert. He gritted his teeth and wanted the pain in his back to go away so that he could go find his secret stash in his apartment. He wished that he had his car, or even his shoes. The Craving, as Kurt liked to call it was tugging at his sleeve, reminding him of what he couldn't have.

Kurt got up slowly and bit his lip silently when the pain came back. Even though his body commanded him to go back to the bed so that he could rest, his mind was settled on reaching his jacket that hung on the wall by the door. He might have remains of an old dose. Maybe he could just have a snort and forget the pain. The painkillers doctor Anderson gave him had worn out, and he could feel the pain come back, steadier for each minute.

He hoped to find drugs, key cars or even a wallet, but the only thing is his pocket were a packet of cigarettes. It was no coke, but Kurt decided that nicotine was better than nothing at all. The small dark-haired boy started walking slowly towards the hospital entrance, entirely barefoot. For Kurt it felt like an hour and he was moving so slowly, moving as little of his spine as possible while he focused on putting one leg in front of the other. Finally he reached his destination.

He came to a decision to lean towards the wall instead of sitting down on the bench, seeing how sitting and rising seemed to be so painful for him. Kurt lit the cigarette with shaky hands, and inhaled deeply. The smoke filled his lungs and he relished in the familiar feeling of the burning. But he wanted more, he craved more. Anything that could give him a kick or a feeling of living. Again, he cursed the lack of car keys and shoes.

He closed his eyes and the black circles under his eyes were more prominent. When he opened them again, he was met by the least expected scene. Doctor Anderson in front of him with a friendly smile on his face. His expression was somewhat curious, yet disapproving at the same time. He was wearing a gray turtleneck sweater and black pants underneath the white doctor coat and Kurt thought that was the cutest thing he had seen in a while.

"Good morning, Kurt", Blaine greeted cheerfully. Kurt's felt his heart jump a little, but he didn't say anything. Kurt found it easier to be quiet most of the time. That way he wouldn't end up in trouble.

"Have you slept well?", Blaine continued. Kurt sighed slightly. Of course he cared about him, he was his doctor. It would be silly to think that Blaine cared about him in another way. And he was probably straight. But it was the white coat.. The appeal of the uniform. Everything about this adorable doctor just made Kurt want to jump his pants.

Kurt cleared his throat and exhaled the white smoke slowly.  
>"It was fine, I guess", he replied nonchalantly.<p>

"I want my bed at home", he added before shutting his mouth. He was whining. He was whiny and irritable. He wanted to go home to get his drugs.

"And you will get your bed at home as soon as you are healed", Blaine didn't seem put off by Kurt's behaviour.

Blaine had worked with people like Kurt before. They get quite a few overdose cases at the hospitals. Most of the cases are kids trying drugs for the first time who react really badly to the intoxicating substance, but sometimes they had cases of hard core drug addicts. Blaine suspected that Kurt was one of the latter. He looked at the beautiful boy in front of him who was filling his lungs with tar. He looked beat up, rough and there was an animal-like aura to him, but under the dirt and smoke he was like a shining diamond. He was tall and lean and had a perfect build. His hands were smooth and felt like silk. Blaine felt like a total pervert, but he couldn't resist touching Kurt's hands when he was unconscious.

There was a shadow in Kurt's eyes. A shadow that spoke of loneliness and hurt. But from what? Blaine felt a need to help the beautiful boy in front of him. He couldn't allow that shadow to roam in those lovely eyes. Those eyes that danced in green, grey and blue in the sunlight.

"How did you get out here, Kurt? Did a nurse help you?", Blaine enquired curiously.

Kurt shook his head and a small, proud smile appeared.

"No, I did it by myself"

Blaine shook his head silently, even though the smile didn't fade.  
>"You shouldn't be doing this. You should be on your bed resting", he chided.<p>

Kurt inhaled the last of his cigarette before throwing it on the floor. Doctor Anderson was so damned cute, but why did he have to criticize him like that? The irritation Kurt felt prior to this expanded and he found himself snapping and Blaine.

"I don't want to be treated like I'm dysfunctional. I am perfectly capable to walk around on my own, and a fucking cigarette is the least I can have when I'm caged in this hell hole!", he spat. He felt the anger inside of him grow and along with it, The Craving was suddenly present, clouding everything else.

Kurt started shaking, the abstinence taking its toll on him even though it had only been a day since his last hit. He knew that he was irritable because he couldn't have the usual dose he needed to get through the day. He was hungry, in pain and need a hit of coke. Or meth. Just something. The shaking became worse and Kurt had absolutely no control over it. He fell to his knees and his palms supported him up, even though his posture was broken. The worst thing was that all the shaking made Kurt's back hurt like hell. He was not ready for this. He couldn't go through this. How the hell did he end up in non-consensual rehabilitation? He. Needed. His. Drugs. And oh, the pain. It was all too much for Kurt and he tasted the salt water that trickled down his cheeks. He wanted to stay strong, but he couldn't stop the broken sobs that came from his chest.

Suddenly, Blaine kneeled in front of Kurt and forced Kurt to stop shaking by placing two firm hands on his shoulders. He held Kurt until he was done crying, with a pained expression on his face. It broke his heart to see Kurt like this. He could be more than 22 or 23. This beautiful boy had his whole life in front of him, and he it killed Blaine that he had to suffer this way. Blaine helped Kurt on his feet and supported him since Kurt had troubles standing without help.

The two men went inside without talking and Blaine help Kurt back to his bed before taking a seat beside him.  
>"You are experiencing withdrawal", Blaine stated lamely. He wanted to hit himself. Of course Kurt knew that he was going through withdrawal, he was the one experiencing it. He wished that he could do something, but he felt pretty helpless. As a doctor his hands were pretty tied. He couldn't give him drugs and there was no way he would discharge Kurt so fast.<p>

Kurt looked up at the doctor with the best bitch please-look he had.  
>"Thank you for the information", he snarled.<p>

Blaine cringed.  
>"Look, I know it is hard. But, it will be better. Maybe this is an opportunity for you to quit with the drugs permanently. Kurt looked at him as though he had suggested an amputation.<p>

"Listen, _doctor_, I'm happy with my life, so don't try to change it".

Kurt marveled over how easy it was to lie. He had perfectionized the lie to the point of flawless. The truth was that his life was pathetic. But, he'd rather die than admit it.

Blaine sighed. Such a waste.

"How is your back?", he asked softly.

"'Tis a bitch", Kurt murmured and looked down. Blaine thought he looked absolutely adorable. But, he was still a patient and Blaine was still his doctor, he reminded himself.

"I'll give you more painkillers", Blaine replied and called for a nurse.

As the nurse fumbled with is IV, Blaine told Kurt that he would be back in an hour to check on him. On that note, he left, leaving Kurt with a good view to check out his ass.

"He is a sight for the sore eyes, isn't he?", the nurse sighed, checking out the doctor's butt as well.

Kurt sent her an amused smile.

"I pray night and day that he'd stop being gay", the nurse said, mostly to herself and fixed Kurt's painkillers. Kurt's expression went from smug to downright shocked. So the supermegafoxyawesome doctor was gay. How interesting..

The nurse left Kurt alone. He stared at the wall for a few minutes, not knowing what to do. Then, he found a pad of paper and a pen by his nightstand. Kurt started to draw, and the moment the pen touched the paper, Kurt forgot everything else in the world. He tuned out the world. Drugs did not exist. The Craving couldn't touch him. He even had a smile on his lips – a smile of content and achievement. And that was how Blaine found Kurt an hour later, sound asleep with a sketch in hand.

Kurt woke up a few hours later and hated the fact that he was alone. He wished that Doctor Anderson could be there with him, but Blaine was probably too busy saving lives. Was it bad that Kurt was turned on by the thought if Blaine saving lives? Probably yes. He even wished that Finn could be there, just to have some company. Sadly, Finn left a message that he wouldn't be able to visit before tomorrow. Feeling absolutely bored out of his mind, he watched TV for the rest of the day before falling asleep.

The next day Kurt woke up, disheveled and disoriented. He craned his neck to see if Doctor Anderson was at work. He had no such luck. It was going to be another long day.

Blaine Anderson had the day off and planned on reading the paper when he thought about a patient. It was not any patient. It was the none other than the patient that he couldn't stop thinking about for the past days. He was ashamed over the fact that he cared about a patient so much that he was thinking about him on his day off, but he couldn't do anything about it. It was a fragile boy with the most magical eyes he had seen. The prettiest lips and the softest hands. Kurt Hummel.

The name rolled off his tongue like warm honey, and he suppressed the smallest of sighs. Blaine sat down with his newspaper and cup of coffee. He lived alone in a two room apartment in the middle of New York. One could wonder why a boy from Ohio would want to live and work in such a big city like New York, but despite the humble personality, Blaine loved the city. He loved the smell of pollution, the sound of the city that never sleeps, the people that always hurry past you. He was in love with the life that possessed the city.

He moved from Westerville, Ohio when he started college, and he had no plans of going back ever. There was nothing left for him there. Nothing to return to. He had a group of friends in New York, a good paying job and a nice apartment. Another thing that would have been nice was someone to share the apartment with. Someone to share his life with. Despite the good looks and the great job, Blaine never could seem to find someone that he could share his life with. He had went on countless dates and had been set up with a various number of guys, but he just couldn't seem to find the one for him.

And when Blaine closed him eyes to savour his cup of coffee, the face of a certain Kurt Hummel came to mind.

**Thank you so much for reading! I hope you like what you read : ) I would love to hear what YOU think about the story. Praise, critizim – Anything! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: A caged bird**

**AN: Here's the next chapter. Thank you to everyone who reviewed. You guys are so sweet and it's really encouraging to see the love this story is getting. I aim to please, so it'll be nice if you tell me what you think of the story. If you guys have any ideas to how the story should continue, feel free to tell me and I'll see if I can put it in. So, without further ado, the third chapter. **

Kurt Hummel had been in the hospital for four entire days and two of them went without a single sight of a certain mister Blaine Anderson. As a solution to the maddening boredom he was faced with, Kurt drew to keep himself from going insane. As a pleasant change in environment, he had also met with nervous breakdowns, more withdrawal and even worse, his step-brother Finn.

Finn came on the third day of his stay. He brought flowers with him and awkwardly sat on the edge of Kurt's bed. Kurt watched him with guarded eyes and crossed his arms over his chest. He braced himself for the verbal slashing, but it never came. Instead, the saw a broken Finn who stared nervously at his thumbs.

"Kurt..", Finn started.

Kurt looked at Finn in disbelief. He hadn't seen his step-brother like this in a while. Normally Finn yelled at him, or didn't bother to see him at all. But this, this was different.

"I haven't really been there for you, have I?", Finn asked, his eyes still glued to his thumbs. The question caught Kurt off guard. He didn't want to answer it. Hell, he didn't want to have this conversation with Finn. He didn't want Finn to blame this on himself. Kurt's life was a mess and he knew it. The least he could do was to keep it away from the rest of his family. He tried to see them as little as possible, spending Christmas and other holidays alone. He knew it broke his step-mother's heart, but it was for the best.

"What do you want from me, Finn?", Kurt asked in a resigned voice. He didn't want Finn to throw himself a pity party, at least not on his hospital bed. He was the one in the hospital, for fucks sake.

Finn's thumbs obviously went up on its popularity rating.  
>"I haven't been there for you as I should have been", Finn whispered. His voice was lined with regret. If Kurt cared, he didn't show it.<p>

"I don't want you here, remember?", Kurt mumbled, his discomfort increasing by the second.

It didn't seem like Finn had registered Kurt's words as he continued berating himself.

"What kind of brother am I? And look at you, you almost died!", Finn exclaimed, looking up at Kurt for the first time. Kurt stared at him with newfound calmness.

"Like you even care..", he stated without any emotion.

Kurt could practically hear Finn's heart break when he said that. He didn't mean it. He didn't want to say it. But how was he supposed to think right when the withdrawal was so bad it hurt his body and mind. His head felt like lead and every thought he had screamed back at him. Kurt wanted to scream along with it, but controlled himself. He couldn't sleep at night because of the shaking. It was so bad that the nurses had to give him sleeping pills to get him to sleep. He wondered if it was safe to give a drug addict more pills.

Finn opened his mouth to say something, but Kurt interrupted him.

"I didn't mean that", he sighed.

"It's the fucking drugs. I can't function without… I just… I need", Kurt struggled with the words, but he couldn't express just how much he needed and wanted a hit of cocaine.

"Can't you see that this shit is taking over your life, man!", Finn exclaimed. He had to fix this. Even though they were the same age, Finn had always seen himself as the responsible one. He was the one who should have taken care of Kurt when he saw him slipping away from society's grasp. Hell, he should have taken care of him when he was bullied at school. But, it was too late for that now and the result was the broken kid on the bed.

Kurt stared pointedly away from Finn. He didn't need anyone to tell him that his drug problem was out of control. He knew that. But, he couldn't find the strength in himself to do something about it.

Finn clasped his hands around Kurt's.  
>"We'll figure it out, bro", he said before hurrying to his feet.<p>

"I've gotta go to work now", he apologized and Kurt just nodded in reply. He had something to think about that day. Did he_want_ to figure it out? Was he strong enough to fight that match?

Later on that day, when Kurt was scheduled a check up by the doctor, he was disappointed to not see Blaine there. Did he have the weekend off, or was he taking care of another patient? Maybe he didn't want to see to Kurt anymore after the whole withdrawal incident in front of the hospital. Kurt bit down his lower lip in regret. The unfamiliar doctor checked his back thoroughly. She was a decent doctor, but she was no Blaine. She didn't smile the same reassuring way that he did. She pulled his hospital robe to cover his back and informed Kurt that he'd be free to go tomorrow.

Kurt smiled broadly at the thought of going back to his own apartment, to his paint and drugs. Life was the way it was supposed to be again. He could forget that the last four days happened at all and just go back to pretending that he had the life he had always wanted. Still, the tug at the corner of his heart was hard to ignore. Kurt spent the rest of the night drawing. The last sketch he drew that day was by far the best drawing he had produced with so little equipment.

He was inspired by some of the little children in the hospital. Seeing that his back was almost healed, he was allowed to walked around hospital grounds. To Kurt's relief, that meant that he could go out for a cigarette break without having a nurse tag along with him. On his way back to his ward he got lost and somehow found himself in the paediatric cancer ward. There was a small playroom with stuffed animals, really big lego, a television set and a table with blank paper and crayons. Around the table there were three kids drawing and colouring. Two of the kids were wearing sunhats to cover their obvious baldness while the last kid didn't bother wearing his hat. He was around seven years old and looked weaker than the rest. Kurt wanted to go in the playroom to get a better look, but he was afraid he'd disrupt the peace. From where he stood, he could see that the kid was drawing abstract picture of what Kurt thought resembled a dragon. Underneath the picture, the kid had spelled out "To the bestest doctor".

When Kurt went back to his bed, he thought about the little kid and started to draw. When he was done, he signed the picture and addressed it to Doctor Anderson. To make sure the doctor got it, he asked a nurse to put it on his desk.

The next day Kurt was finally allowed to see the bright smile of Doctor Anderson again. Blaine grinned when he saw Kurt and scribbled down a few sentences on a clipboard.

"You are a free bird, Kurt", he greeted friendly.

Kurt looked at him with wide eyes that Blaine instantly felt captivated by. They stared at each other for a small second before Blaine looked away. Kurt wondered if that would be the last time he'd see those hazel eyes that spoke of kindness. Not that he cared, anyways. He just wanted to go home, and now that his back was fully healed, there was nothing stopping him.

Blaine discharged him and prescribed a few painkillers for him, in case he experienced any pain at night.

"You take care of yourself, okay?", Doctor Anderson whispered softly. He wondered what would happen to Kurt. Would he be ok? He felt protective of the skinny boy in front of him. He wanted to make sure that he would be fine, even though Blaine wouldn't be able to see him.

Kurt was surprised to find out that he had warmed up to the doctor over the past few days.  
>"I always do, doc. I always do", he offered with the tiniest of smiles, but it was enough to let Blaine's heart soar. Before he realized that he didn't want Kurt to go.<p>

In a moment of desperation, Blaine pressed a white stiff card in Kurt's hand.

"Here's my card. Call me if you need anything… or something", he mumbled feebly.

Kurt held the card gingerly between his fingers without looking at Blaine.  
>"Yeah.. sure", he replied, unsure of what Blaine had meant by giving him his card.<p>

There was an awkward silence between them while Blaine mentally hit himself for being so irrational. His cheeks burned while he ushered Kurt out of the hospital. The faster he got out, the faster Blaine could go back to his normal, controlled self. He reminded himself that it was normal for doctors to give patients their visit cards, and Kurt probably had dozens of them at home.

When Blaine went back to his office to get his things before leaving work that day, he found a piece of paper with his name on it. When he turned the paper, he gasped. On the white surface, there was a sketch of the most beautiful kind. It portrayed a bird in a cage looking longingly out of an open window beside it. The cage was open, but the bird was far too weak to fly to freedom.

Kurt hurried out and got a cab back to his apartment. The tiny flat was just the way Kurt had left it. There were frames, paint and canvases everywhere on the floor. The apartment was barely big enough for Kurt himself and he had crammed everything he had in this small one room apartment. It was all he could afford. Being a relatively unknown painter was not the most lucrative of jobs. The walls of his apartment were covered with paintings. They were the paintings that Kurt would never sell. The first painting showed a women, fairly young, in a hospital bed. Her head hung weakly, but there was an encouraging smile on her lips as she opened her arms to hug a young boy. The boy couldn't have been more than 8 years old, and the look he gave the lady was a look of love, adoration and concern. The boy was afraid that his mama would be taken away from him. Only a week later did he realize that his biggest fear would come true. The second painting showed a man in a scruffy suit kneeling in front of a headstone. His head was shaved and he held a red rose in his hand. A single tear was to be seen on his cheek. The grief of his dead wife was present in his eyes, the burden of taking care of a 8 year old son alone in his shoulders. The rest of the paintings were other memories of Kurt's life. The memories that mattered the most. The first time he found out he was gay, the day his father died, and so on.

Kurt kneeled in front of a small bookshelf and rummaged behind some thick books before puling out a black leather bag. He hurriedly emptied the bag's content on the floor, the desperation within him increasing now that he knew that he was so close to getting what he had yearned for four long days.

There it was. The small plastic bag with white powder. Kurt felt his hands start quivering. He wanted it so bad. He forced himself to steady his breath and control himself. He emptied the white powder on the small table and divided the cocaine in two lines before he placed one of the lines back into the plastic bag for safe-keeping. He had to be careful. Seeing how he hadn't had a hit in four days, he had to take it slow and decrease the dose to be safe. After all, Kurt didn't want to wind up in the hospital again, or worse.

He made a perfect line out of the cocaine and held the unused tampon applicator in his hands. He threw the tampon away and looked at the hollow cardboard cylinder, mentally preparing himself.

Kurt leaned down and snorted the coke in one go. He leaned back on the sofa, waiting for the high to come and capture him. Meanwhile, he stared at the ceiling. He should probably get rid of some of the cobwebs. In case he ever got a visitor. Not that it was likel-… Oh sweet mother of Jesus. Kurt rolled his head backwards and closed his eyes. It had almost felt like a whiplash. But The Feeling was home. It had finally found Kurt and it fended of the The Craving. The Feeling belonged to Kurt. Kurt owned it. It was Kurt's to keep for as long as he wanted. Kurt owned it. Kurt belonged to The Feeling.

Kurt could almost hear the blood pumping faster in his veins, and he felt so _alive._ He was on the top of the world. Kurt wanted to do something, anything. Maybe paint a picture. Or run a marathon. Maybe he should go out and have a drink. He checked his pockets and found Doctor Anderson's visit card. Maybe he should give him a call. Kurt giggled and laid down on the couch, so that he could see the plastic glow in the dark stars he had on the ceiling. They shined so brightly, and even though he felt a little dizzy, he was on the top of the world. The conqueror of the stars. It seemed like a good career path, gathering stars. Kurt would gather the stars, one by one and hang them on his ceiling. He would start with Orion, the brightest star, because it would be the easiest to find. He had forgotten about Doctor Anderson already.

Kurt spent the next two weeks doing what he did best, painting and sniffing coke. His back didn't bother him anymore, and if it did, he'd just have another hit. Why use painkillers when you could use your own personal heaven. One of Kurt's friends called to ask if he wanted to come to her party, but Kurt declined. He wanted to be alone, doing what he liked the most in the world. He was certain that he could live without friends, especially those he had now whom didn't even know him that well. They met, they got high together and that was that.

That was what Kurt was thinking about when he snorted a new dose on a Friday evening. It took entire five minutes before he felt anything, but from there he let his conscience go.

When Kurt came back from his high, he was still on the couch but it felt as though he had ran through the entire city. His shirt stuck to him with sweat and he was dead tired. Ripping the shirt off, the boy threw it towards the laundry pile on the floor.

Kurt checked his appearance in the mirror. He looked like hell. And he was really, really, really hungry. A normal side effect after coming down from the cocaine. He contemplated just going to the grocery store like this, but his vanity stood in the way for the atrocity. He showered, shaved and put on a fresh set of clothes. He settled for skin-tight jeans and a purple fitted shirt. Despite the life style, Kurt always wanted to look and feel like a rock star. The Kurt in the mirror had bruises that subtly crept over his back to his shoulder showing slightly at the collar of his shirt, undoubtedly from when he hit his back. He also had dark circles under his eyes, making him resemble a zombie. Kurt quickly covered the bruises and the dark circles up with a concealer.

He made his way to the grocery store. There was a kid there, not more than five years, who was screaming on the top of his lungs for chocolate. The kid's parent wore a bored expression and gave the kid the chocolate he wanted. Kurt threw the kid a dirty, annoyed look, causing the kid to cry again. He rolled his eyes and hurried past the noisy scene.

Kurt was looking examining a cauliflower closely when a vaguely familiar voice spoke to him from behind.  
>"Oh, hi Kurt! How have you been?"<p>

Kurt turned his head slowly and personally felt as though he was in a mystery movie.

"Oh, Doctor Anderson.."

**AN: Oh, and my lovely beta drew this for me. It's the sketch Kurt drew for Blaine. You can find it here: klaineforpresident . tumblr. com/post/12365725081/this-is-for-the-lovely-priya-in-her-fanfic-kurt**

If you want my tumblr, it's www. gleeloving. tumblr. com


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4: The beginning of a friendship **

**AN: Hey guys! In this chapter, Kurt meets Blaine again in the grocery store. Our favourite boys share a bittersweet moment and a start of a promise for something more. Hope you guys like it. **

_Kurt was looking examining a cauliflower closely when a vaguely familiar voice spoke to him from behind.  
>"Oh, hi Kurt! How have you been?"<em>

_Kurt turned his head slowly and personally felt as though he was in a mystery movie._

"_Oh, Doctor Anderson…"_

…

Kurt looked like a kid who had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He didn't know what to say. He had definitely not expected his doctor to live in his neighbourhood. Less, see him in the grocery store.

"Ehrm…hey", Kurt awkwardly offered, still caught off guard. He quickly put the cauliflower in his basket.

Blaine smiled his trademark smile that made Kurt's knees turn to jelly.

"What a lovely surprise", Blaine exclaimed, and was genuinely pleased to see Kurt. The past few weeks he had thought about the curious patient who had left him that amazing picture that he had hung on the living room wall at his apartment. Since he hadn't seen him in so long, he had managed to convince himself that his feelings towards his ex-patient were entirely platonic. The only reason he ever doubted that was due to sexual frustration and long working hours. Kurt seemed like a nice boy with major issues. Blaine knew that he shouldn't bring his work home, but he had a soft spot for people who needed him. And Kurt looked like he could need a friend.

"Yeah, it definitely is a surprise, Doctor Anderson", Kurt gushed, a blush spreading in his cheeks.  
>"I mean.."<p>

Blaine cut him off.  
>"You can call me Blaine. And I know what you mean. I'd be surprised to meet my doctor at the grocery store as well", he laughed.<p>

Kurt learned one thing. Blaine's laughter was infectious. Before long he was laughing as well.

"I know, right? I'm glad you're not my urologist or something, though", Kurt chuckled.

Blaine just smiled in response. His smile reminded Kurt of something pure, like an angel. He showed so much energy and happiness. Kurt found himself wishing that Blaine never stopped smiling.

"Thank you for the picture, Kurt", Blaine suddenly said. Kurt had forgotten about the picture he had drawn for him. The picture that portrayed a bird in an open cage that was too weak to fly out towards freedom. Kurt got rigid. He didn't know how to respond to this and it made him uncomfortable. That's why he didn't like to be there when people bought his art. He didn't know what to say to compliments. Does he thank them even though there is nothing to thank for, does he say "ok" and sound arrogant or.. Kurt sighed and simply nodded stiffly to Blaine, hoping that he would get the hint.

However, Blaine wasn't swayed.

"It was really beautiful. You are really talented", he praised.

Kurt smiled weakly, his shoulders uncomfortably tense. This is why he liked to stay inside his apartment.

"I really hope you continue drawing", Blaine added when he didn't get any response.

Kurt finally smiled. This he could answer without discomfort.

"Actually, I make a living out of painting", he confided with a small, lopsided smile.

Blaine's eyes widened remarkably. It was magical for him to know someone that lived off the arts. When he was a teenager he dreamed of singing professionally on a stage. He dreamed of Broadway and concerts. But his dream came crashing down as his father convinced him that it was next to impossible to live off the arts.

Still, Kurt was a living breathing proof of someone that had followed his dream. Kurt had done the very thing Blaine was too scared to do.

"That is really impressive", Blaine grinned.

"It's not much of a living, but I get by", Kurt shrugged.

Despite this, Blaine had stars in his eyes. Kurt smiled back. He actually smiled back.

Kurt had a feeling that Blaine treated him like a real human being unlike so many whom couldn't see past his drug problems. Those people who think that he is not worth anything because he has an addiction that he had absolutely no control over. Maybe they were right. Maybe Kurt wasn't worth befriending. He knew that he was hard to be around. But the fact that Blaine treated him like a normal person made him feel like he was worth something. And that made him smile.

"Again, I really liked the picture. Thank you for drawing it for me", Blaine smiled friendly. Kurt's breath hitched. The doctor thought that Kurt had drawn it for him? Had he? He wasn't sure.

Again, Kurt just nodded.

"You know, back in Ohio where I am from, I used to take a drawing class, but I was so terrible that the teacher kicked me out", Blaine snickered. Kurt thought that sound was the goofiest he had heard in a while. It was weird to see Blaine like this, outside the hospital where he was casual and talked about himself. But, it was weird in a good way.

"I'm also from Ohio!", Kurt blurted out before he could stop himself. Did he really want to go into his past with a complete stranger?

Blaine seemed intrigued. It wasn't often he met someone who was from the same place as him in New York. Especially not people as intriguing as Kurt Hummel.

"Wow, from where?", he asked interested. Maybe they could be friends, Blaine found himself thinking.

Kurt hesitated and instinctively ran his hand over the back of his neck.

"Lima", he simply stated emotionlessly, though he had to strain to keep all emotion away when he talked about that town that he had yearned to run away from. The town that brought nothing other than painful memories.

Blaine sent him a sympathetic look. He knew what it was like to come from a small town. He wondered if Kurt had come to New York for the same reasons as him. To run away from close-minded, judgemental people.

"I'm from Westerville, that's just a two hour drive from Lima, right?", he said softly, giving Kurt the information he didn't even ask about. Kurt looked into Blaine's eyes and found kindness and understanding, but also a bit of regret. Bitterness that could only have come from a troubled childhood. Kurt would know.

Blaine took a chance.

"Hey, I'm actually making dinner right now and I ran out of salt that's why I had to run here to get some more. Would you like to have dinner with me?", Blaine asked with a bright smile.

Kurt's jaw dropped. Did his _ex-doctor_, sorry, his gay ex-doctor seriously ask if he wanted to have dinner with him? Why did the universe do things like this to him instead of just let him live his life alone in his apartment?

But at the mention of food, Kurt's stomach started to rumble. He groaned at the thought of what he was about to do, but he was desperate for food.

"Yeah, sure..", he mumbled with a downcast gaze.

Blaine smiled, if possible, even brighter than before. Kurt dropped the plastic shopping basket and followed Blaine to the cashier.

Kurt entered Blaine's apartment tentatively. He already suspected that the doctor's home would be very different from his own, and he couldn't be more right. While Kurt's apartment was tiny and had barely space for himself, Blaine's was huge. There were two master bedrooms, a gigantic hall, and a kitchen from Kurt's dreams. While Kurt's apartment was filled with paintings and photographs, Blaine's apartment looked like a hospital. The walls were plain white and there wasn't a single personal photograph. Neither of family nor of friends. There were a few standard photo's looked like they were from IKEA. The first photo was of a red rose, the next of a purple daisy and the last of a bullfrog. The ridiculously enlarged photo's seemed off to Kurt and his mind thought of all the ways he could decorate the apartment to make it resemble a home.

Something black and white came to Kurt's sight. It was his drawing! Blaine had taped Kurt's drawing on his wall. Kurt was gobsmacked.

Blaine turned to see why Kurt was being so quiet and followed his gaze towards the drawing.  
>"Oh…"<p>

Blaine cleared his throat and Kurt snapped out of it.

"Uh.. I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable, but it's the first time a patient has ever drawn me something", Blaine said sheepishly, blushing.

Kurt relaxed at this. He was actually a bit flattered that the doctor was willing to hang the simple drawing on the wall. Particularly since it wasn't exactly one of his masterpieces.

"How come you haven't got one from a cute kid yet?", Kurt asked amused. He thought that most kids would do something like that for their doctor. Especially a cute doctor like Blaine.

Blaine blushed again, causing Kurt to raise an eyebrow.

"Because I've only been a doctor for a month. I just got out of med school", Blaine revealed, slightly embarrassed.

Kurt smiled tauntingly. He didn't know why, but it felt nice to know things like that about Blaine. But if he just got out if medical school, he had to be at least 26 years old. Given that he passed everything right away.

"Let me guess. You're 26?", Kurt asked out of interest.

Blaine shook his head.  
>"I graduated early from high school – I'm 25"<p>

Kurt looked at him curiously.

"Why did you graduate early?", he asked bluntly. Kurt was not known for sugar coating uncomfortable things.

Blaine looked a little uneasy.  
>"Let's have that conversation over dinner, shall we?", he asked and gestured towards the kitchen.<p>

Kurt and Blaine small talked about favourite artists and music while they made dinner. They argued whether they liked the new music or the older music of Lady GaGa best and talked about the best places to get coffee in New York. They hit it off real well at once and Kurt's shoulders felt slightly lighter when dinner was served. Even the awkwardness of being at his ex-doctor's apartment was gone. Kurt found Blaine to be funny, smart and beyond belief caring. Blaine thought Kurt was witty, brutally honest and talented. More or less unknowingly, the boys started off their friendship.

Kurt sat across Blaine during the meal and they ate in comfortable silence. Once they were done eating, Blaine ushered him to the living room where they sat down beside each other on the couch. Kurt wasted no time in asking Blaine the question he had been longing to ask.

"So, why did you graduate early?", Kurt asked again. He knew that it was probably rude to ask him so bluntly, but he wanted an answer.

Blaine sighed ever so slightly.

"Because I was too smart..", he smiled weakly.

Kurt bore his eyes on Blaine's, believing that there was more to the story.

"High school was hell for me", Blaine winced.  
>"I went to a public school during freshman year, but I was bullied so bad that I was forced to leave school", he started, glancing at Kurt to get an impression of the boys thoughts. Kurt, however, wore a well rehearsed poker face, not revealing a single emotion.<p>

Blaine sighed and continued.  
>"So my parent's sent me to Dalton Academy, a private, all boys-school with an anti-bullying policy that was actually enforced. I got friends there, and I guess it was ok, but I just wanted to get out of high school and Ohio. I was sick and tired of the close minded people and most of all.. my parents".<p>

Blaine looked insistently at Kurt, willing him to say something, anything. Had he gone too far? Divulged too much information? Kurt looked at him for a while before talking.

"Why were you bullied, Blaine?", he asked. He knew that the doctor was gay, but he wanted him to tell him himself.

Blaine looked nervous.

"Because I'm gay", he said softly. It was weird for Kurt to see Blaine so vulnerable. It was truly adorable.

Kurt nodded slowly.

"Yeah, Ohio's a homophobic bitch"

Blaine studied Kurt's features for a while. They were elegant, but sophisticated. His eyebrows were perfectly angled and his skin was so pale they indicated that Kurt was hardly ever outside. He looked fragile, like he could break. Tired and stretched. Blaine knew that was a common trait with drug addicts, but somehow when Kurt opened his mouth, Blaine forgot that the boy in front of him had a drug problem. He saw Kurt for what he really was; magnificent.

After a few minutes in silence, Blaine finally addressed the huge elephant in the room.  
>"I beg you apology for being so blunt and I can assure you that I would have addressed the matter at hand in a different manner if I could, but… Are you gay?"<p>

Kurt surprised him by twitching the corner of his lips upwards.

"Yeah"

Blaine nodded carefully.  
>"Then you'd know all about small town life in Ohio"<p>

Kurt simply nodded in return. The two men sat in thoughtful silence for a few more minutes before Blaine grew increasingly curious of Kurt's life.

"How old are _you?_", he asked tentatively with the same calming, friendly smile that Kurt had seen him wear before. The same smile that made him trust Blaine and made him want to get to know him.

"Twenty-six", Kurt answered with a tiny shrug. Blaine noticed that Kurt wasn't a huge fan of talking about himself. Maybe if he just got him to tell him a bit more about himself, he would warm up to him..

"Did you move to New York after high school, like I did?", Blaine asked curiously. Kurt simply shook his head, leaving Blaine confused. When he didn't get a reply from the elder boy, Blaine searched in his eyes for an answer. Kurt sighed and gave in.

"I didn't finish high school. I moved here before graduation", Kurt said emotionlessly, holding the sides of his chair tightly with his hands, unconsciously grasping for support.

Blaine saw how tense Kurt became when he talked about himself. He wanted to reach out at grab the boy's hand to console him, but he knew it would be too weird.

"Why didn't you graduate?", Blaine asked, his voice barely higher than a whisper.

Kurt laughed, but the laughter didn't meet his eyes. It was dry and scary. Blaine shivered involuntarily.

"I was the only out gay kid at my school, Blaine. It had consequences", Kurt said in a detached voice and Blaine shuddered.

"And when my dad died during senior year, I had nothing left in Lima. I packed my bags, emptied my savings account and came here, to New York. And I've been here ever since", he said, shrugging lightly.

Blaine nodded softly and looked at Kurt – really looked at him. He saw a boy who wore a mask for the rest of the world. A boy who had experienced too much in his life and who just needed someone to hold him. He reached forward to hug him.

Blaine pulled Kurt into a warm and comforting hug. Kurt, however froze at this unfamiliar action. He wasn't used to being hugged. When was the last time anyone had hugged him like this? Hugged him without asking for anything in return. Without implying sex. Oh right. His dad's funeral. 10 years ago. Lots of people whom he didn't even know hugged him and expressed their condolences. Kurt thought that it didn't mean anything.

He didn't know how to respond to Blaine's hug. Should he hug him back so that it wasn't awkward or should he just wait for Blaine to be release him? He tried to wrap his arms tentatively around Blaine's shoulders, feeling kind of awkward. He hardly touched the curly haired boy, but once he did, Blaine hugged him even tighter until Kurt cleared his throat and coughed inconspicuously.

Blaine immediately dropped his hands and smiled apologetically. Kurt looked at him with an unreadable expression. His eyes bore into Blaine's and even though the latter cleared his throat, the tall boy didn't look away.

"Sorry if I made you uncomfortable..", Blaine mumbled and kicked himself mentally. Why did he have to go on and screw up? Kurt was finally opening up to him now.

Kurt just shrugged.  
>"It's ok. I'm just not used to people hugging me", he said as honest as usual.<p>

Blaine's eyes bulged out of their socket. Poor Kurt. How did this boy live without affection? Blaine would have gone crazy if it wasn't for his small group of friends.

Kurt tore his gaze away and looked bitterly at the floor.  
>"Don't…"<p>

Blaine looked puzzled.

"Don't what?"

"Don't look at me as though you pity me. I don't need your pity!", he spat and walked towards the door. He didn't want to be here if it was pity Doctor Anderson could offer him.

Blaine hurried towards him and put his hand on Kurt's shoulder.

"Kurt. I'm sorry", he rushed.

Kurt stopped immediately, but shrugged away Blaine's hand.

"I'm didn't mean for it to come out like that", he said and turned Kurt so that he faced him. Blaine took his hand and smiled gently.

"I want to be friends"

Kurt stared at Blaine's fingers that were interlocked with his own. Did he want to be friends with this man? Blaine's smile shone like a hundred light bulbs. Kurt felt something fall to place in his heart.  
>"Yeah. I'd like that", he simply stated with the tiniest of smiles.<p>

He didn't need a friend – he wanted one.

That night Kurt went home with a pleasant feeling. The day had been nice for Kurt Hummel. He had started on a new painting that he was content with. Then he had rewarded himself with the heavenly white powder that he hid behind the books in his bookshelf. And he had gained a friend. A friend that actually meant something to Kurt. Only then did he realise how much he had missed having a good friend. They had talked about everything trivial in the world like favourite Disney songs and movies. Kurt learned that Blaine had been in Dalton's Glee Club; The Warbler's. Blaine found out that Kurt was in New Directions. They both realised that they had competed against each other before, though that memory was so far away from both of them.

Kurt wondered why Blaine didn't continue singing. He was after all the lead singer in a relatively good Glee Club. However, he decided against asking him. He had filled his quota for serious conversation to last at least a year.

Still, he had a nagging feeling that Blaine would insist on having more of those conversations with him. Kurt smiled softly. Maybe it wasn't too bad. As long as he got a friend like Blaine out of this.

**AN: Sorry if I offended any of you guys from Ohio. I've never been there myself. I'm just trying to portray Ohio the way Kurt saw it, and I think it would be hard for him to be neutral when he had been through all the mess that he has. Reviews warm my heart :) I hope to finish chapter 5 by Saturday.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: The Date**

**AN: So Blaine gets to see Kurt's apartment for the first time, that'll be fun.**

Kurt and Blaine met each other a few more times the next three weeks. First it was coffee. Then coffee became lunch. Lunch became dinner and now suddenly Kurt was getting ready to watch a movie with Blaine.

It all started when Kurt was leaning against Blaine's kitchen counter, reading the newspaper while Blaine was cooking using the excuse that he wanted to try a new pasta recipe on him. Kurt skipped the news as usual and read the comics. When he came to the advertisements for movies, he let out a loud gasp.

"Oh my god! We have to see the new X-men movie!", he exclaimed before he understood the meaning of his words. He had said _we_ instead of _I_. As in Kurt and Blaine. Kurt formed his lips into an 'o' and was going to retract his statement when Blaine turned towards him with a huge grin.

"I _love _X-men! We should totally see it", he grinned before returning to his pasta sauce.

Kurt sat there in shock. They were going to the movies together. Two gay guys were going to the movies together. But it wasn't a date.. Was it?

That's how Kurt found himself rummaging his closet to find clothes to wear to 'probably-not-a-date-but-maybe' with his ex-doctor.

"What the fuck am I supposed to wear?", Kurt sighed, defeated. He tried on a few more shirts before deciding that he should go with the black skinny jeans instead of the white. Even though the black jeans made him look pale, it brought out his figure nicely. Kurt tried on a white top and settled for a navy blue vest on top of it. The vest hugged his hips perfectly and showed how lovely his body was. And despite everything, Kurt was proud of his body.

Glancing at the clock, Kurt panicked when he realised that he only had an hour to work on his hair…

Blaine checked his clock for the umpteenth time that day. He sat on his couch and flicked TV-channels impatiently. He wasn't even watching the programmes. He checked his watch again. It felt as if time was going backwards. He had already dressed up for his not-date with Kurt. He decided to go with white pants and a baby blue shirt. It might be a boring choice, but it was safe. And Blaine felt safe in white or light colours. He smiled when he thought that it was probably because of his doctor's coat and the sterile hospital environment.

But now that he had gotten ready and done everything he could do to heighten his appearance for his not-date, he didn't know what to do. So for the past half hour he had paced the floor, attempted to read a magazine, tried fill a few patient journals and now he was absentmindedly switching TV-channels. was on. Oh well, he might as well try to get his mind of the non-date with Kurt by watching the episode about a nasty break up. When did doctors have to work with this kind of stuff, really? Despite his attempts to get his mind off the brown haired man.

What was he supposed to reply when Kurt had used his all-time weakness? He should have specified that it was not a date, but he was too busy mentally fangirling over X-men. Oh well, Kurt probably didn't even mean it as a date. Why would he want to go out with his ex-doctor any way?

Finally, the clock reached the time of meeting and Blaine made his way to Kurt's apartment. Before he could take the lift upstairs, Kurt was waiting for him at the entrance of the apartment complex. Even though Kurt had been to Blaine's apartment several times, Blaine had never been to Kurt's. Whenever Blaine offered to pick him up at his place, Kurt always waited in front of the lift, ready to go. Blaine wondered if Kurt was ashamed of his home. The thought didn't linger long as he was aware of Kurt smiling brightly towards him. Blaine instantly smiled back.

It felt so natural for the boys to smile around each other. Kurt couldn't remember the last time he was so happy. The six weeks after his was discharged from the hospital had been a joy ride. He had found a new friend who actually understood what it was like to come from a homophobic small town. And Kurt wouldn't admit it to anyone, but he was a little smitten with the doctor. It finally felt like the universe was being fair to him. After struggling with all karmatic powers in the world, Kurt at last got to know what happiness felt like. And it felt good. It even left a flutter in his stomach.

They walked to the cinema together. Their friendship had become easier over the past weeks. They talked non-stop about everything between heaven and earth. Blaine listen to Kurt's ramblings on how hard it was to get oil paint from your hair, and Kurt listened eagerly to everything Blaine had to report from the emergency room. Kurt really liked to listen to stories from the hospital because there always was some stupid case every day. Like the one time a guy came in with a beer bottle stuck up his ass because he couldn't get it out. Kurt had laughed for hours on that one. Kurt knew that working as a doctor wasn't always easy, and sometimes people die. But Blaine never talked about them. Some days, he could see that Blaine was a little more down and Kurt would have to use a little more effort to put a smile on his face, but he never asked. And Blaine never told.

There was a lot they didn't talk about. They never talked about their parents, even though they both knew that the other person's family life had to be difficult. They just let the subject drop every time the possibility came up. They didn't talk about Kurt's drug problem. Or, Blaine tried to open the subject a few times, but Kurt shot him down like a turkey on thanksgiving. Kurt knew that Blaine didn't approve, and Blaine dropped hints everywhere that he could help him quit, but Kurt just ignored them. He wouldn't let Blaine take over his life like that.

Kurt took his seat beside Blaine's in the dark cinema theatre. The movie started and both boys were so engrossed in the movie that they almost didn't notice their knees brush against each other subtly. But only almost. Blaine was the first to notice and jerked his knee away, terrified that Kurt would freak out. It was only then that Kurt noticed that their legs had been pressed together. Kurt just silently retracted his leg and delicately crossed his legs. Blaine averted his gaze and tried to focus on the movie, but after that he picked up on all the little things Kurt did.

Like that Kurt scrunched his nose when he tried not to laugh out loud, or that he leaned back as far as he could when he was afraid. And in an action movie like that, Kurt had jerked back in his seat a couple of times. Blaine put his hand over his and rubbed his thumb comfortingly without thinking of the consequences. Only when Kurt squeezed his hand lightly did he realise that it could be interpreted as him hitting on Kurt. Blaine cleared his throat and put his hand on his own lap instead.

Kurt didn't think anything of it and the two men saw the rest of the movie without any other non-verbal communication. When the movie ended, Kurt was the first to get up.

Blaine followed suit.  
>"What did you think about the movie?", the doctor asked, calm as usual.<p>

Kurt was smiling like a maniac.  
>"It was… just.. oh my god"<p>

"I see that you are as articulate as ever", Blaine laughed, causing Kurt to stick his tongue out.

"I'm starving, let's eat", Kurt smiled. Blaine bit his lip and wondered if it was time to ask Kurt. He had wanted to ask him this for weeks.

"Kurt?", he started, a little nervous.  
>"Maybe we could go to your place and order take away or something", he suggested. Blaine wanted so badly to see where Kurt lived. To see his apartment and that part of Kurt's life. It felt like a wedge between their friendship that Kurt never opened up to that part of his life.<p>

Blaine could see Kurt tense when he heard the proposal.

"Why my place?", he countered quickly.

Blaine decided to play it cool.

"Your place is closer", he shrugged nonchalantly, while he really placed close attention to all of Kurt's reactions.

Kurt looked like he struggled within himself.

"My apartment is really small though. We would have to almost sit on top of each other to be able to sit in the couch", he mumbled. It was partly true anyway, Kurt thought. Reality was that his apartment was like a secret shrine for him. A place where he could paint without people judging him. A place were he could be without anyone judging him.

Blaine locked eyes with Kurt and smiled friendly.  
>"Doesn't matter. I just want to see where you live"<p>

Kurt sighed and gave in. He knew that he wasn't going to win the battle. Blaine had some voodoo mind control power over him that made him want to give in to him. It was the smile and the puppy look. It was just too darn cute.

"Yeah, whatever", Kurt muttered and cleared his throat.

Blaine's stomach did a back flip. Wow. He didn't expect Kurt to give in so easily.

They got some Thai food and walked to Kurt's apartment talking about the movie. They were currently discussing whether Wolverine was hot or not.

"Ugh, he is too hairy for my taste", Blaine commented.  
>"And sweaty and just so.. gross. I think he is more of a girl fantasy, to be honest"<p>

Kurt laughed at this.  
>"I happen to think that Wolverine is an awesome piece of heaven, Doctor Anderson".<p>

"But..", Blaine started, but he was cut off by Kurt's insistent, but pleasant voice.

"He is so _manly_ and yummy. I'd totally tap that", Kurt said in a voice that made it clear that the final words in the discussion were said.

Kurt's eyes met Blaine's and they started laughing. It was simple, almost like breathing, this relationship they shared. Sometimes they got out of breath, but usually there was enough oxygen.

Kurt stopped in front of his entrance door.

"I'm warning you. My apartment is a mess. There is paint equipment everywhere, literally", he mumbled before he let Blaine in. The doctor walked in cautiously though he was eager to see what was inside. It felt like a secret was being revealed to him. Something that he had waited for that he was finally going to be allowed to see. He knew that the chance of being disappointed was huge, but he went in nevertheless.

Kurt's apartment was the total opposite of Blaine. Where Blaine's home was clean and bright with windows everywhere, Kurt's apartment resembled a dungeon. The few windows were hidden behind black curtains so that daylight couldn't enter. Almost every surface of Kurt's floor was covered in newspapers, so that the paint wouldn't stain the tiles. There were small boxes and tubes of paint everywhere, in every shape and colour and all the newspapers on the floor were covered in paint. It was like walking on a crinkly rainbow. Blaine was immediately fascinated when he discovered that Kurt's walls were covered in paintings. Paintings that were so realistic, they could have been photographs. Each one of them were signed by "KH", and Blaine came to realise that these were originals. The beauty Kurt had captured in these paintings were breathtakingly painful. He felt a pang in his heart as he realised the magnificence that resided in Kurt, the shear talent he possessed.

"Kurt.. These are.. wonderful!", he breathed, still taking in the full impression of the paintings.

Kurt tried to smile even though he was tense, but failed miserably. He was glad Blaine liked them, but it felt weird to have someone else evaluate something that was so personal to him in the calm way Blaine did. He never showed these to anyone because they meant so much to him. He would never ever sell these as long as he lived. No matter how poor he was. It felt weird to let Blaine see them.

"Just my private collection", Kurt said in the same detached voice he used when he was uncomfortable. Blaine had made his way to the painting of the man who was kneeling in front of a grave with a young boy by his side. Blaine's nose was almost touching the surface of the oil painting. Kurt shifted uncomfortably. It was personal. And Blaine was violating his personal space. He knew it was a bad idea to bring him here.

Kurt cleared his throat to distract Blaine.  
>"So, shall we eat?"<p>

Blaine tore his eyes away from the painting without a word and nodded absentmindedly.

Kurt sat down on the tiny sofa and shoved all the brushes and paint tubes that were on the table before he laid out the food.

Blaine sat down beside him, and Kurt wasn't lying about the lack of space. For starters, the sofa was so small that their legs were pressed together in a more or less intimate way that made Blaine blush. The apartment itself was tiny, but somehow it felt like a home. Everything in the apartment felt homey and personal, unlike his own residence that felt alien even to himself.

They tried to hold pleasant conversation as they ate, but it was obvious to both that Kurt was stressing, and the lack of personal space was a bit distressing. So instead of talking, they ate in uncomfortable silence while Blaine studied the living room for more bits and pieces of Kurt's life.

He had to bite back a laugh when he saw a discarded unused tampon on the floor. He hadn't expected something so feminine in Kurt's apartment and couldn't think of a single reason why Kurt would need tampons.

"Do you have a roommate, or something?", he asked lightly when the were finished eating, though he couldn't understand how it was humanly possible for this apartment to hold two people.

Kurt shook his head hurriedly, wondering what on earth Blaine meant by the question. The doctor nodded towards the tampon with a smile on his face. He grabbed the empty food boxes and threw them away while waiting for Kurt to answer.

Kurt, on the other hand blushed and facepalmed himself.

"I can explain", he muttered when Blaine came back.

"Really? Do you have a menstrual cat or something?", he grinned.

"No, as you can see I don't use the tampon, just the applicator", Kurt explained as Blaine raised his triangle shaped eyebrow. Kurt matched the look by raising his own perfectly angled eyebrow.

"You know, Blaine. For snorting coke. You can use notes and stuff too, but I prefer these", he countered in a steady voice with a cold edge. He braced himself for the impending lecture that had to come from the doctor.

However, Blaine slumped back in the couch with a sigh. That was worst than a lecture. Kurt expected him to tell him how stupid he was, preach about the medical danger and maybe even raise his voice. What he had not expected was Blaine to be disappointed in Kurt. And disappointment hurt more than he thought was possible.

Kurt threw out his arms in defeat, his temper raising at that.  
>"What the fuck, Blaine?", he thundered, losing control over his emotions. The poised Kurt was nowhere to be seen.<p>

"Are you _disappointed_in me?"

Blaine saw the fury in Kurt's eyes. How did this happen so fast? How did Kurt loose control over his temper so fast? What was going on?

He thought about the question for a while. Was he disappointed? No. He couldn't say he was. He wished that he could do something to help Kurt, but he wasn't disappointed..

"Uh.. No Kurt, I'm not disappointed in you", he said calmly, placing his hand carefully on Kurt's shoulder to calm him down.

Blaine knew that Kurt would sometimes have mood swings that were worse than the girl living next door. It was a common long lasting side effect from misusing cocaine. Other side effects could be agitation, excitability, irritability, nervousness or restlessness. And Kurt had showed signs of all the symptoms in one way or another the six weeks they had known each other. Blaine wished he could do something about it, but it was not in his place to say something, was it?

"I'm not disappointed, but I wish you tried rehab", he continued, his hand still on Kurt's shoulder. Kurt stiffened beneath his touch, a snarl forming as his eyes narrowed.

"Why does everyone want me to change? Am I not a good enough person?", he sneered, shaking off Blaine's hand with a hard jerk.

"Am I not good enough for you, doctor Anderson? Well, then fuck you. Fuck you all!", Kurt's voice broke at the end and he shook in anger. He thought that Blaine would be different, that he actually liked him for who he was, drugs or no drugs. He wished those angry feelings would go away so that he could think about this. What did Blaine really say? Why did he say that he wasn't disappointed? Arg, if only he could think straight without all the anger clouding his judgement.

Blaine got to his feet and bit his lip.  
>"Kurt, you <em>are<em> good enough. You are more that good enough. Kurt, you _matter_", he whispered in a gentle voice.

That did it to Kurt. That was what his dad told him when he was alive. That he mattered. That he shouldn't throw himself around like he didn't matter. Tears threatened to fall as Kurt fought them back. He would not break down before Blaine.

Blaine put his arms around him in a comforting manner, but Kurt shrugged him off.

"I think you should leave, Blaine", Kurt said, his voice shaky.

"Are you going to be ok?", the doctor asked, hoping that the older man would see how much he cared.

"Just go, Blaine. Go", Kurt replied in a broken voice.

"Kurt…"

"GO!", Kurt screamed at him.

Blaine bit his lip and walked home with a heavy heart. It was dark and Blaine sighed at the thought of how the evening had ended. It had started off cautiously and bloomed into something fun and easy; two friends having fun. Then he had to go and screw it up. He knew that it wasn't the entire truth. Kurt had overreacted. He didn't even let him explain. Blaine couldn't stop the mild bitterness from spreading in his mind. If only Kurt had let him explain, they wouldn't even be here.

When Blaine came home, he stared at the sketch Kurt gave him at the hospital. The sketch of a bird in a cage beside an open window. The cage was open, but the bird didn't fly out. Only now did Blaine understand what the drawing meant. Kurt was the bird. He was in his own cage, the cage being his drug problem. He had an open door and an open window, but he was too weak to fly towards freedom. A single tear trickled down Blaine's cheek.

It was almost 2 am when Blaine's phone rang. He woke up abruptly and almost banged his head in the headboard when the Teenage Dream-ringtone started to play. The very same ringtone Kurt had forced him to set so that it would play everytime he called Blaine.

Blaine squinted at the phone screen, realizing that it really was Kurt before quickly answering. He was met by a panicked scream.  
>"BLAINE!", Kurt yelled at the top of his lungs, panic dripping from his voice.<p>

Blaine jumped out of bed and threw his covers to the floor.

"Kurt? What's wrong?", he inquired, his heart pounding like a maniac. Something was wrong with Kurt he was in trouble. Oh god, oh god…

"Kurt, where are you?", he asked in a terrified voice when all he could hear was Kurt wailing, really wailing as loud as he could.

"BLAINE!", Kurt screamed again, as if he was being tortured.  
>"COME AND SAVE ME!"<p>

**AN: Sorry for the cliffhanger… Please leave a comment :D**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6: The Late Night Call**

**AN: So, here is the next chapter you've been waiting for. I just want to say that even though it might seem a bit far-fetched, I did a lot of research prior to this chapter and it's supposedly possible to have reactions like this. **

_"Kurt? What's wrong?", he inquired, his heart pounding like a maniac. Something was wrong with Kurt he was in trouble. Oh god, oh god… _

_"Kurt, where are you?", he asked in a terrified voice when all he could hear was Kurt wailing, really wailing as loud as he could._

_"BLAINE!", Kurt screamed again, as if he was being tortured.  
>"COME AND SAVE ME!"<em>

Blaine dragged on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt with the help of one hand while he used the other to press the phone against his ear.

"Where are you, Kurt? What's happening? Are you outside?", he asked, desperate for more information. He needed to get to Kurt right away. He needed to help him more than he needed air that moment.

"At…my…apartment..", Kurt wept frantically. That was all Blaine needed to know.

"I'll be there in three minutes. Hang in there, Kurt", he urged and tucked the phone in his pocket before he ran out of his apartment.

The night was calm and serene. The stars were bright in the night sky, but Blaine didn't notice anything around him as he rushed to Kurt's apartment. Luckily, he only lived a few blocks away.

He ran up the flight of stairs and ran into the apartment without thinking about the danger that he might meet.

The sight that met him was Kurt lying on his living room floor, clutching his chest and crying at the top of his lungs like he was burning alive. His screams were blood curdling. Blaine rushed to his side and dropped on his knees.

"Kurt? Kurt? What's wrong?", he asked frantically as he tried to see if he was injured anywhere.

As Blaine's fingertips touched Kurt's skin, the screams were replaced with broken sobs.

"Blaine.. Blaine.. I didn't mean to.. You are so good to me..", he cried, tears streaming down his pale cheeks. Kurt's face was flustered and he had red marks under his eyes from crying. His lips were swollen and his bottom lip was bleeding, undoubtedly from biting it too hard.

Blaine's heart was beating at the speed of light and he buttoned up Kurt's shirt to see if he was hurt in the chest area seeing that he was clutching his chest as if his life depended on it. He run his fingers over his chest and his back, but he didn't see anything alarming. Kurt's torso was tainted with old scars and minor bruises, but nothing that could be the cause of the state Kurt was in. Blaine was desperate and in tears when he pulled Kurt's head on his lap and held him closely. Kurt body was warmer than usual and he was sweating like he had run a marathon. His heart rate soared to the ceiling and he was out of breath.

"What is it, Kurt?", he asked firmly, needing the older boy to tell him what the problem was. He needed to do something, anything. What was wrong with Kurt?

"Are you in pain?", he asked when Kurt didn't answer him with anything else than sobs.

"Did somebody hurt you?", Blaine continued to question him, panic evident in his voice.

"It hurts..", Kurt sobbed into Blaine's t-shirt. Not that Blaine cared.

"Oh Kurt.. Where does it hurt?", Blaine asked gently, relieved that Kurt had stopped screaming. His heart was still racing, but he didn't care. He had to find out what had happened to Kurt.

Kurt placed his hand over the place where his heart was supposed to be.  
>"Here", he sniffed with tears streaming down his face.<br>"It hurts so bad"

Blaine saw Kurt's eyes for the first time since he got there. The beautiful blueish-grey eyes were almost invisible as his pupils were severely dilated. Kurt's black pupils had taken over the place where his iris usually shone like sparkly diamonds. Then it hit Blaine. How could he be so stupid? Kurt's hysterical screams had clouded his judgement.

Kurt was on drugs. But what had he taken to give him this effect? As far as he knew, cocaine didn't give that kind of effect no matter how it was taken. Cocaine was not a hallucinogen. Kurt had been hallusinating.

"It's going to be ok, Kurt", Blaine whispered and run his fingers through Kurt's thick, luscious hair.

Kurt sniffed back his tears.  
>"Is that you, Blaine?", his voice shook.<p>

Blaine continued to stroke through his hair.  
>"Yes, I'm here. I'm here for you and I'm going to take care of you. Just relax", he whispered calmingly.<br>"I'm here, Kurt. I'm here", he repeated like a mantra as it seemed to calm down the drug induced man.

He contemplated bringing Kurt to the hospital to run some tests, but he decided against it. He was obviously not overdosing, and bringing him to the hospital would cause more trouble for Kurt. And he was a doctor after all. He should be able to handle it himself. Blaine decided to take care of the boy and make sure that he was ok and in his own mind when he left.

Blaine carried the now silent Kurt to the sofa and let him rest there while he searched the room for the mystery drug. He hoped that finding the type of drug would help him bring insight to what Kurt was going through and how to help him in the best way.

He searched frantically through a pink plastic bag, but he only found a dozen small, clear plastic pouches with white powder in them. Cocaine. In the mood he was in, he wanted to throw it all out, but he knew that Kurt would murder him. He also found melting spoons and cigarettes. A handful of lighters and more cocaine. He searched through the pile of painting equipment on the floor. Finally, he found a small plastic pouch with a small, round tablet.

"Kurt, what have you gotten yourself into?", Blaine sighed, mostly to himself. How could Kurt be so stupid when he was so intelligent when it came to everything else? Didn't he see what it did to him? Didn't he see how much Blaine cared, Blaine found himself thinking.

He studied the pill carefully. It had a few numbers etched on the side, but no other symbols. Kurt's behaviour insinuated that the drug had to be a hallucinogen, so Blaine narrowed it down to two popular drugs in that category; ecstasy and LSD. He racked his mind for information about the two substances. Both were highly dangerous and could kill when used in big doses. They could also cause panic attacks when misused.

Blaine looked at the pill. It was fairly small. Since there were no symbols on it, like ecstasy pills usually had, Blaine concluded that it had to be LSD.

The doctor frowned and looked at the boy lying on the couch. He looked like he was going through hell. He was still sweating and trembling. Even though he looked detached, his eyes were wide open, staring at the ceiling.

Blaine carried him to the small bedroom that barely had space for Kurt's huge wardrobe and a large double bed. He gently put down Kurt and wondered what to do with the boy. He didn't want to leave him like this, but he didn't want to overstep Kurt's trust by sleeping in the same bed as him either. He guessed that Kurt would be fine with him sleeping on the couch. He placed Kurt in a safe position on the bed so that he wouldn't choke on his own vomit if he had to throw up in his sleep. He tugged the covers over the trembling boy and got up. But before he could get up, Kurt had caught hold of his collar and pulled him down again.

"Don't leave..", Kurt mumbled into his pillow, still clutching Blaine's shirt firmly.

Blaine looked like a deer caught in headlights.

"I'm not leaving, I'm just going to sleep on the couch", Blaine explained patiently, as if he was talking to a five year old.

Kurt shook his head vigorously, causing Blaine to fret that his head might actually fall off.

"No, stay here with me.. Couch not good… Kurt good", he purred, closing his eyes. Blaine didn't know whether to be mad at the boy or praise him for managing to be cute even in this state. Blaine thought he resembled a cat when he purred like that.

Blaine sighed and snuck beneath the covers beside him. Kurt instantly curled up against him, snuggling closely, and Blaine found himself desperate for the contact. When was the last time he has cuddled with someone? He couldn't place a face to the memory of his last cuddle. But Kurt was here now, and Kurt needed him.

So, Blaine put his arms around him and held him safely in his arms, protecting him from any danger. Kurt had trouble sleeping, but didn't say a word. It seemed as though he had a lot to think about. However, Blaine would rather that he said something so that he knew everything was ok rather than having Kurt in this apathic state. Despite Blaine's struggles against his own eyelids, sleep engulfed him and he snored silently, his nose nuzzling Kurt's neck.

He didn't sleep for long, as when the clock struck six in the morning, Kurt cried out an ear-splitting scream that jerked Blaine awake with a feeling of Déjà vu.

"Kurt?", Blaine groaned, fumbling in the dark for the older boy, panicking when his hands only came in contact with thin air.

He sat up abruptly and switched on Kurt's nightstand lamp.

"Kurt… What the..?", he trailed off when he saw Kurt sitting on the edge of the bed with a pillow in his hand. He was having a pillow fight with something invisible, his face flustered, fear visible on his face.

When he heard Blaine's voice, he turned towards him with a panicked stare.

"He tried to kill you in his sleep!", Kurt frantically explained while hitting the invisible person with his pillow.

Blaine wondered for a minute whether delirium was a common symptom when you took LSD before taking the pillow out of Kurt's hands.

"There is no one there, Kurt", he said gently. His thumb grazed Kurt's cheek swiftly and he flashed him his most trustworthy smile.

"I promise. You are safe", Blaine assured him.

Kurt nodded with his eyes wide open, staring at Blaine before lying down on the bed again, waiting for Blaine to follow suit.

"Will you be able to sleep?", Blaine asked concerned as he lay down beside him, pulling him in a hug. The fear of touching him that Blaine felt the day before was more or less gone. It was replaced with a feeling of natural belonging.

Kurt yawned and nodded.  
>"I think so…", he muttered and snuggled next to Blaine, closing his eyes.<p>

The two boys fell asleep in each other's arms and had no other interruptions that night.

**AN: I just hope I didn't disappoint anyone here… Please tell me what you think about the chapter (:**


	7. Chapter 7

Blaine woke up the next day, his still sleepy mind was startled to feel a warm blanket over him. His tired mind refused to open his eyes, knowing that the moment he did he would have to get out of bed. Instead, he wondered when he had gotten a heat blanket that fit him so well.. and why the heat blanket was breathing.

Blaine wrapped his arms around the blanket, only to find out that it wasn't a blanket, but a human being. The sleep fuzziness evaporated rapidly as he came to his senses and jerked open his eyes.

Realisation hit him when he saw Kurt lying half on top of him, fast asleep. He remembered everything that had happened the night before. His head hit the pillow with a soft thud and he stared at the ceiling, just listening to Kurt's breathing. Kurt had called him yesterday in a state that only could be described as delirium. He had come rushing to safe him and had found out that Kurt had been using LSD. And then somehow they had ended up in this bed together. Oh. Now Blaine remembered that Kurt had pulled him close and refused to let him go. He smiled a little at that memory.

The boy who had his head on Blaine's chest was sound asleep. The only indications that he was alive were the small movements he made when he breathed, and the almost inaudible sound of air being inhaled. Locks of hazel brown hair clouded Blaine's view, and he ran his fingers through it, relishing in its softness. He memorised the texture and feel, just by slowly stroking his hair.

Blaine's fingers tickled the nape of Kurt's neck, and the taller boy twitched in his sleep, letting out a soft moan.

"Mmmm… Feels good…", Kurt's voice was raspy from sleep and the way he murmured the compliment made Blaine's stomach do a somersault.

He was truly cute, wasn't he? Despite everything that had happened the night before, Blaine couldn't help but admire the boy sleeping on his chest. The boy who was usually guarded and who always had a witty comeback looked totally defenceless. The was an aura of innocence around him, though the logical part of Blaine's brain knew that Kurt was far from defenceless or innocent. But, that was part of his appeal. The way he carried himself, with the pride he held even though he knew he wasn't perfect. No wonder Blaine's heart fluttered every time he thought of the painter.

Though Blaine could stay in this bed and admire Kurt the whole day, he had to get up and call the hospital to inform that he couldn't make it to work. His stomach was growling at him and the doctor was afraid that the noise would wake the sleeping beauty. He debated internally for a few minutes about how to get up without waking Kurt, though it seemed like a lost cause since the painter had wrapped himself around Blaine.

Finally after much fretting, he carefully slid away from Kurt and wrapped the blanket around him. Evidently Blaine didn't need to worry, as Kurt hadn't even moved a muscle. Kurt was obviously a deep sleeper, a trait Blaine noted for the next time. He really hoped there would be a next time.

Blaine explained to the hospital that he had come down with something he suspected was contagious, feeling like a schoolboy who had to fake illness to escape class again. Lying was not something Blaine was comfortable with, but he decided that he couldn't leave Kurt alone in this situation. Plus, Kurt had a serious talk coming his way. He just hoped that Kurt would take him seriously without getting mad or violent.

He made breakfast for them, the best breakfast he had made in ages. Cooking for one was just no fun, besides he wasn't the natural born cook either. On the other hand, one of the things he had learned over the past few weeks was that Kurt was magic behind the stove. However, the doctor tried his best to navigate in the foreign kitchen and managed to produce a decent breakfast before returning to Kurt's bedroom.

"Kurt?", he asked softly, though he suspected that he had to make more noise if he was to wake the older boy. As expected, Kurt didn't even move an eyebrow.

Blaine sat down on the bed and stroked Kurt's head softly.

"Kurt?", he tried again. This time Kurt reacted by snuggling closer to Blaine. Seemed like Kurt was a real cuddle whore, Blaine thought with a smile on his face.

"You have to get up. Breakfast's ready", he said louder, firmer.

Kurt clenched his eyes shut.

"No… I wanna stay here forever…", he mumbled.

Blaine chuckled when he saw Kurt's expression. His eyes were clenched shut, his nose wrinkled and a frown was visible.

"Come on Kurt.. I have eggs and bacon", he tempted in a singsong voice.

Kurt opened one eye, peeking sleepily at Blaine. What was Blaine doing here? Oh well, it had to be a hell of a dream if it included waking up to Blaine. But if it was a dream, why did he have to get out of bed? Wait…

Kurt jumped out of bed.

"Blaine?", he shrieked, throwing the blanket off him.  
>"What are you doing here?"<p>

Blaine hadn't expected that Kurt wouldn't remember anything from the day before and was startled.

"Uh.. I.. Uh… I made you breakfast!", he offered with a feeble smile.

Kurt looked at him with suspicion in his eyes.

"Okay.. But why are you here?", he asked, distrustful.

Blaine cleared his throat. How should he break it to him? It hadn't occurred to him that Kurt wouldn't remember the events of last night. That certainly complicated things.

"You don't remember yesterday?", he asked, a little amused.

Realisation hit Kurt like a baseball bat to the face and he went from shock to disbelief to embarrassment.

"Right… Yesterday…", Kurt mumbled, his gaze downcast. Kurt tried to remember every that had happened. He remember the "date", that Blaine insisted on seeing his apartment, the fight they had and.. the LSD. After that everything was a bit blurry. He certainly recalled being attacked by a mysterious stranger. Had Blaine saved him from that?

Blaine smiled friendly. As a young boy he had learned one thing, to feed people before or while you interrogate them. His mom was from the South, after all.

"Hey, I made breakfast", he said in a friendly voice and forced Kurt into the living room where there were two plates of food waiting for them.

Kurt almost passed out from the smell of food, and all thoughts of mysterious strangers were instantly abandoned. He hurried towards his plate and almost inhaled the food.  
>"Oh my god, Blaine..", he mumbled with food in his mouth. Normally, Kurt would have been dead embarrassed by his behaviour right now, but he was too busy eating every single crumb. He even considered licking his plate when he was done.<p>

Blaine was looking at him with a smug look on his face. He noticed Kurt's disappointed look when his plate was empty and shoved his own plate towards him.

"Here, you can have mine as well, if you are hungry", he offered.

Kurt looked as though he was about to refuse out of politeness, but he changed his mind when he saw the crispy bacon and gobbled up Blaine's plate as well before looking up for more.

He was having a serious case of post-drugs munchies. When he was like this, he could eat for an hour straight without pausing.

Suspecting this, Blaine stood up to make more breakfast for them. As he took out another carton of eggs to fry, he casually looked at Kurt.

"So.. Care to explain last night?"

Kurt swallowed visibly. Why was he getting flustered. It was not like he did anything out of the ordinary last night. He had been upset and settled it the only way he knew how; drugs. He remembered that he had two of the LSD pills left that Santana, one of the girls in his drug gang, had given him. He had tried LSD once before, but he couldn't really remember the details, so Kurt assumed that the night was pretty awesome. Turns out you shouldn't take LSD when you're in a shitty mood. He kinda forgot that warning.

And the consequence for that was the insanely hot doctor in hit kitchen. Said doctor put more food in his plate and Kurt ate a bit slower this time.

"What do you mean?", he finally asked in reply.

"I mean.. You know, you calling me in the middle of the night… I was so scared, Kurt", Blaine looked Kurt in the eyes, to emphasize how scared he was, and how much he cared.

When Kurt didn't reply, he continued.

"I thought something really bad had happened. I thought that you had been mugged or something… You have no idea how scared I was", Blaine muttered.

"And then when I come rushing here, I find you on your floor screaming you brains out. Lucky for you I found out what you had taken, or I would have had to hospitalize you again. And I know how much you hate hospitals..", Blaine sighed.

Kurt looked at him without emotions in his face. So he the attack by the mysterious stranger was just something that had happened in his mind. He was ashamed even though he refused to show it to Blaine. Still, he couldn't get the fact that Blaine actually worried about him out of his head. He knew that the doctor was extremely compassionate and caring, but it felt good to know that he had worried about him.

"You never explained why you slept over, though", Kurt murmured, not addressing the problem Blaine tried to ask him about. The doctor had cared enough to sleep over so that he could take care of him, Kurt thought with an internal smile.

At this, Blaine actually blushed.

"Uh.. I was going to sleep on the couch to keep an eye on you in case your condition got worse, but you kind of would not let me go..", he mumbled, his eyes fixed on the buttons on his shirt.  
>"You uh.. pulled me towards you and held me tight the entire night.."<p>

When Blaine looked up, he was met with a flustered Kurt whose mouth couldn't quite decide if it was going to stay open or close. Mortification etched in his eyes.

"Oh my god.. I was clingy, wasn't I?", he breathed, not trusting his voice to convey his message. He knew he was a cuddle whore, that's why he didn't like to spend the night with anyone in the same bed. He had absolutely no control over his body at night.

Blaine grinned sheepishly

"The term I would use is cuddly"

Kurt facepalmed himself. Now Blaine is never going to want to sleep with me again, Kurt thought warily.

"I am never ever ever going to take LSD again!", he swore, and actually meant it. What was he thinking? Doing drugs that were given to him by _Santana_ – the bitch queen whom he both loved and hated? He should have just stuck to what he knew best.

Blaine nodded approvingly, with a friendly smile on his face. He knew that Kurt didn't want to quit drugs all together, but it was worth a try.  
>"That would be really wise. I can set you up with a rehabilitation programme, if you want. I know a clinic that is really good, an-", Blaine was interrupted by Kurt.<p>

"What the fuck, Blaine?", Kurt sneered.  
>"I already told you, I'm not going to quit!"<p>

Blaine's smile was nowhere to be seen, but he remained calm as usual. He had gotten used to Kurt's insane mood swings already and embraced the fact that he could be worse than a PMSing lady. In a strange way, he found it endearing.

"I just want to best for you, Kurt. You saw yourself how bad it was yesterday, and maybe next time you won't be here to talk about it..", Blaine's eyes clouded over with pain at the thought of Kurt's death. He was too precious for him to lose. He couldn't bear the thought of Kurt overdosing by mistake.

Kurt however felt the fury fill his body like scalding water. He didn't want to get riled up, but he couldn't help it. It was almost like he didn't have control over his own body anymore. Whenever the topic of quitting his "habit" came up, Kurt morphed into someone else – a person he didn't like very much.

"So what, huh?", Kurt felt the control slipping from his fingers by the second.

"So what if I use drugs to escape my shitty life?", he thundered, fighting the tears that threatened to fall. Every time Kurt got mad, he reacted by crying. He felt like a sissy.

Blaine bit his lower lip, wanting to get away from the confrontation.  
>"There are other ways, Kurt.."<p>

"LIKE WHAT, Blaine? Pray tell, because I'm tired of trying ways to live a normal life but just ending up here again. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of fighting you, everyone else and myself…", his voice trailed off, and it was replaced with a sniffing sound as he tried to hide his tears.

"Hey, don't be like that..", Blaine whispered and tried to pull him in a hug the way he used to do when his sister's five year old threw tantrums. The doctor should have known better, as Kurt was no five year old.

Kurt forced his way out of Blaine's arms with an enraged look on his face.  
>"Oh, I'm sorry if I'm too whiney for you. Or too depressed. You know what? At least you don't have to go through all the shit I do"<p>

Blaine felt an irritation building inside of him.

"You think you're the only one who has a tough life? Well, look around you and you'll see that everyone has rough patches, but they get through it without tending to drugs. I'm begging that you try to do the same", Blaine countered.

"Because you are worth more than this, Kurt. You can be anything you want, as long as you are free from your own cage", he finished, hoping that Kurt would calm down. He didn't want this. He didn't want to fight with Kurt. He didn't want to see Kurt upset like this. He just wanted to make Kurt happy and make him smile the adorable way he does when he was happy.

"Why do you even bother?", Kurt shrieked exasperated.

Blaine bit his lip and tried to shield the hurt that showed in his eyes.

"Because I care for you, Kurt..", he muttered. It was not more than a whisper, but Kurt heard it. His anger fell to the floor like pouring rain, leaving him with nothing else than vulnerability. Blaine cared for him? It what way? Did Blaine also feel a flutter in the stomach when he look at him? Kurt nibbled on his bottom lip in the way Blaine thought was the cutest ever.

"You… you do?", Kurt asked tentatively, the fire from seconds ago had evaporated. Now in the angry man's place stood a boy with his heart on his sleeve; a state Kurt was seldom found in.

"Of course I do", Blaine whispered, cupping Kurt's cheek with his hand. A small smile could be seen in the corner of his mouth. Kurt stared blankly at him for a few seconds while thoughts in his mind raced around him. His heart pounded and he was sure the entire neighbourhood could hear it. The doctor cared for him?

Before Kurt knew what was happening, he had pulled Blaine towards him and brushed his lips against the doctor's. Kurt didn't notice that Blaine had stiffened in shock and tentatively kissed the doctor. Blaine's lips tasted better than he had imagined, and in a moment of euphoria, he grabbed Blaine's shirt and pulled him even closer so that their bodies met. Once Blaine's initial shock had passed, he found himself leaning in to return Kurt's unexpected kiss. Suddenly he became aware of his actions and pulled away.

"Kurt…", he muttered, blushing.

Kurt gasped in horror. What had he done? He had gone and kissed his best friend! The only friend he had who actually cared about him.

"I am so sorry!", Kurt said hurriedly.

Blaine stared at his toes, unwilling to meet Kurt's eyes. He hadn't pulled away from the kiss immediately. He had _wanted_ to kiss the elder man. He had wanted to press him towards the wall and kiss him senseless. Blaine licked his lips and was relished to find remains of Kurt's taste on his mouth. There was something raw and honest about the kiss that both scared and fascinated him. He was scared of what it could be. Could Kurt be in love with him? Could he be in love with Kurt? Could this mean the start of a relationship? Could he be in a turbulent relationship with a stubborn drug addict? He cared for Kurt and it would kill him if Kurt didn't want to be his friend anymore, but love..? Could it be it?

"God, Blaine. Say something…", Kurt pleaded, his eyes wide open with anticipation. Was there a flicker of regret there Blaine saw?

Of course Blaine didn't want to kiss him. Why would he want to? He was a mess. A mess that no one wanted to befriend let alone fall in love with.

Blaine drew a deep breath, as if to find courage in it.

"Don't be sorry", he said quickly. A red curtain spread in his cheeks, finding its way towards his ears.

Kurt looked flabbergasted.

"I just kissed you, Blaine. I _kissed_you"

Blaine nodded dreamily.  
>"I know, and I liked it", he replied honestly.<p>

Kurt didn't even have to reply. The expression on his face said it all. It went from disbelief, to shock to a flicker of relief. Could it be that the doctor actually felt something for him, Kurt found himself thinking the forbidden thought. He leaned forward to kiss Blaine again, but Blaine pulled away, with a frown on his forehead.

"I.. I thought you liked it!", Kurt cried out in embarrassment from the rejection. He could feel another mood swing coming his way.

Blaine's frown was more prominent now than ever.

"I do… But I can't do this, Kurt.."

Kurt's heart fell. The small apartment felt even smaller, and he could feel tears welling up, just waiting to trickle down his cheeks. Damn the doctor for making him feel so vulnerable.

"But I'll make you a proposition", Blaine stated with a small smile forming in his lips.

Kurt looked up at him with the fiercest look he could muster, his defence up again.

"I'll kiss you again if you manage to lay off drugs..", Blaine finally said.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8: The apology**

**AN: A huge thank you to everyone who reads this story. I know I usually post on Wednesdays and Saturdays, but I couldn't wait to get this chapter out there. I hope you like it! A special thanks to my wonderful, wonderful beta Lieve, and my Tumblr BFF klainesidestory who motivats me so much. You should go check out her fic that's called "Something Ordinary".**

_He leaned forward to kiss Blaine again, but Blaine pulled away, with a frown on his forehead._

"_I.. I thought you liked it!", Kurt cried out in embarrassment from the rejection. He could feel another mood swing coming his way._

_Blaine's frown was more prominent now than ever.  
>"I do… But I can't do this, Kurt.."<em>

_Kurt's heart fell. The small apartment felt even smaller, and he could feel tears welling up, just waiting to trickle down his cheeks. Damn the doctor for making him feel so vulnerable. _

"_But I'll make you a proposition", Blaine stated with a small smile forming in his lips. _

_Kurt looked up at him with the fiercest look he could muster. _

"_I'll kiss you again if you manage to lay off drugs..", Blaine finally said with a wink. _

It had been a week since Blaine had made that proposition. He left right after that, before Kurt could even answer. Not that Kurt blamed him, he was a blubbering puddle of mess when Blaine promised to kiss him again if he laid off drugs. It was a dilemma Kurt wouldn't even have considered a few weeks ago. A few weeks ago, he wouldn't have even entertained the thought of quitting something he loved because another person asked him to. But that was before he had the chance to taste Doctor Anderson's sweet mirth that resided on his lips. Before he felt the warmth of Blaine's breath on his tongue. Before he had the best kiss of his life. Since then, Kurt had to revaluate so many things in his life.

The desire of loneliness, for instance. Kurt decided a long time ago that he would never find love in life. He was one of those who would life their lives alone. He knew that no one would put up with his behaviour and attitude. It was only barely Finn tolerated him, and they only met occasionally. His life consisted of doing the two things he loved in life; painting and cocaine. And those didn't include a third party. No one wanted a life with a drug addict. They had been guys in the past who were fascinated by Kurt's artistic abilities whom put up with his drug problems, just to be with the budding artist. However, they didn't last more than a week at the longest. They yelled about Kurt being a madman, an hermit, an insufferable idiot. And then they left, they always left. And Kurt didn't even flinch, not once. He never got attached to them. They were merely toys to him. Therefore, Kurt had established that he would die alone, because he didn't deserve anyone.

But he refused to be one of those people with 70 cats in a crammed apartment, who constantly smelled of cat food and urine. He refused to be that man that all the kids pitied when he occasionally came out of his cave. No, Kurt Hummel would be one proud loner. He was going to put his nose in the air and walk a solitary walk with his cane when he became old.

It had been 6 weeks and 5 days since Kurt woke up on that hospital bed. Little did he know then that that specific hospital bed would be the reason for his dilemmas now.

Since then, Kurt felt himself falling for the doctor, harder and harder for every time they met. There had been times when Kurt wanted to break all contact with him just to escape all the problems that came along with the attraction. But, he couldn't make himself do it. Sometimes at night, he wondered if he was self-destructive because all he wanted to do was to be with Blaine when he knew that he would end up being hurt in the end. Because, like all the other guys, Blaine will leave. He had survived longer than the others, but one day he will get tired of everything and leave. Kurt was certain of that. The only difference is that when Blaine leaves, Kurt would not be unfazed. He would be crushed, because this time he actually cared for him.

In the end, he decided that being self-destructive wasn't the worst thing to be. After all, there would be no salvation for him, Kurt decided. He had already screwed his life to the maximal. It couldn't get any worse.

Kurt stared at his wall for a few minutes, the same spot that he had stared at for the past few minutes. He stared at the white paper where he has scribbled down a quote.  
>"I'll kiss you again if you manage to lay off drugs", the paper read. The same sentence that had been on Kurt's mind ever since Blaine left his apartment a week ago. They hadn't seen each other since.<p>

At least Blaine had a legitimate excuse as some of the doctors in the hospital had come down with the flu, so he had to work extra shifts, leaving him a puddle of mush at the end of the day. Kurt, on the other hand had just tried to ignore the doctor. He didn't want to face him yet. He didn't reply to Blaine's texts, and he didn't even open the multiple texts that he got the past three days.

Kurt fumbled after his phone and pressed open when the screen alerted him of 9 new texts from Blaine Anderson.

"_Are you mad at me?"_

"_Kurt, can we please talk?"_

"_I'm calling you"_

"_Scratch that, call me when you want to talk to me"_

"_Are you alright?"_

"_Kurt, I'm getting worried. Please call me"_

"_I was an idiot for saying you-know-what. Call me"_

"_Are you ok?"_

"_If you don't call me within an hour, I'm coming over to your apartment"_

Kurt checked the time. He had fifteen minutes left of the hour he had been given. Without allowing himself time to back out, he pressed the call button. Blaine answered at the second ring.

"Kurt", the relief in Blaine's voice was more prominent than the sun in the desert.  
>"I am so glad you called"<p>

Kurt's voice came out harsher than he had intended.  
>"You didn't really give me a choice"<p>

He could almost hear Blaine flinch.

"I was worried", Blaine mumbled, his kindness surprising Kurt once again.

"I… am sorry?", Kurt offered unconvincingly.

"No, you are not", Blaine said, before letting loose a mellow, rich chuckle.

That was all they needed. The two boys cracked up, laughing on both sides of the line. They knew each other so well, even though they had only known each other for almost two months. It was weird really, how easy it was for them to find back to that natural state of their relationship, Blaine thought.

"No, you're right. I shouldn't have let you worry", Kurt admitted. He tugged slightly at his brown locks while playing with them, a habit he had while talking on the phone. He was glad that Blaine didn't come over; he was in a mess. He hair stuck out in every direction and his clothes didn't even match. He shuddered inwardly.

Blaine gripped the phone tighter.  
>"You just.. disappeared after the last time we met. I know that one week without seeing a friend is really normal, but I wanted to know that you are fine… I was worried, you know", he added the last sentence softly, not sure whether he wanted Kurt to hear it or not.<p>

Kurt felt his heart flutter. Maybe rehab would be worth it just for this. Just to keep this feeling in him, to keep the person causing this feeling.

"I care about you too..", Kurt whispered, a blush spreading in his cheeks. He had to be honest with Blaine. After all, honesty was one of the only virtues Kurt valued more than any other.

"..Can I come over?", Blaine asked, though his voice implied that he expected Kurt to decline the request.

Kurt swept his eyes over his apartment. It was a mess, as usual.

"I'll come over to your place", he answered firmly.  
>"In about an hour or so.."<p>

That would give him ample time to shower and fix his hair.

He shot the bookcase a look. He needed some courage, something to get him through the day that he was certain would be hard on him. Blaine probably wanted to talk to him about quitting. Kurt searched through his stash of drugs and fished out a small plastic bag with coke.

Who knows how much longer he would have this. Just the thought of it made his head dizzy and his heart race. He could feel blood pumping in his veins and his veins trying to suck the heavenly substance out of the bloodstream, without finding anything. His throat was suddenly parched and The Craving clouded his vision. One hit before he left couldn't hurt.

Quickly, Kurt found a razor and carefully ripped open the plastic bag with shaking hands. He emptied the contents on the tiny living room table and used the razor to break up the small lumps of cocaine. Once he was pleased with the result, he moved it into a line with a finger, careful to pick up all the pieces. He ran his finger over his gums and teeth. The numbness kicked in instantly. Delighted with the familiar feeling, Kurt readied the tampon applicator and snorted the line he had prepared. He didn't take a lot this time, just enough to keep The Craving in line.

Kurt leaned back, to enjoy the feeling before he walked towards the bathroom to hit the shower. He threw his shirt to the floor and peered at his appearance in the mirror. A pale face stared right back at him. He ran his fingers over the familiar bruised on his abdomen. All the scratches, bruises and burns. An outsider would have thought that he came from an abusive home, maybe with a father that hit him as a child. Truth was that Kurt did live in an abusive home just that he was in charge of the abuse. Or the drugs was in charge of him. He wasn't so sure anymore. He thought he was. He thought that he wouldn't get addicted when he tried his first shot. And he wasn't addicted to the substance at first. He enjoyed the thrill of doing something bad, something illegal, something reckless. Now, he didn't know anymore. All he knew that it was both his safe haven and his worst nightmare.

His pupils were dilated, giving away the substance in his body. The chemicals that were pulsating in his veins, satisfying his body and mind.

Kurt quickly showered and dried his hair. He decided to wear it spiky, the way he saw it on a nice advertisement for hair gel. He pulled on a pair of blue jeans and a white band t-shirt before throwing on a leather jacket. He stopped in front of the mirror again, appraising his choice of outfit. If he could say it himself, he looked absolutely fuckable. There was no way Blaine could resist him when he looked like this.

Throwing a quick glance at his phone, he realised that he was half an hour late already. He checked his eyes and found that the dilation was less noticeable now. He locked the apartment and headed to Blaine's.

By the time Kurt left his own apartment, Blaine was panicking. Kurt was late. Had he decided not to come after all? Blaine hated it when people were late. It always made him insecure. He himself always liked to be there five minutes early. Had Kurt changed him mind? Those were the thoughts that ran through his mind when he heard the doorbell ring. Jumping out of the couch he was sitting on, he rushed to open the door.

When he opened the door to Kurt, he stopped dead in his tracks. He eyed him from top to toe, before realising what a big mistake it was. Blaine's jaw dropped to the floor as his eyes clouded over with undeniable lust. Kurt looked smoking hot. No, scratch that. Kurt looked like he was a masculine reincarnation of Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of beauty. He looked like he had walked straight out the cover of a magazine. Maybe this was why Blaine never noticed that Kurt's pupils were dilated.

Kurt noticed Blaine's reaction and tried his best to hide his victorious smirk.

"Can I come in, or are you going to gawk at me all day?"

Blaine cleared his throat and blushed furiously, pushing all undapper thoughts aside. He opened the door for Kurt, letting the taller boy come in. Blaine's apartment was impeccably clean as usual. Not a book or newspaper was out of place. Kurt wondered silently if Blaine had a cleaning addiction. It wasn't normal for a bachelor to have such a tidy apartment.

As Kurt walked pass him, Blaine couldn't refrain from checking out his ass before mentally hitting himself. What was wrong with him? This was Kurt, one of his best friends. The one he had kissed. Shit.

"So, what do you want to talk to me about?", Kurt asked, turning towards Blaine with a swift motion. The cocaine in his veins kept him calm and confident. He was sure he could run a marathon that moment.

Blaine cleared his throat again.  
>"I wanted to apologize, actually", he smiled friendly.<p>

Kurt simply raised an eyebrow in reply.

"I was being unfair to you.. It was wrong of me to pressure you to quit drugs", Blaine stated, making eye contact with the older boy. Not for the first time, he was taken aback by how lovely Kurt's eyes were. He still didn't notice the slight dilation. It could have been anything. The only thing he noticed was what he wanted to notice; the beauty within them.

Kurt was slightly astonished by Blaine's apology. This was not what he had expected when he mentally prepared himself to come here. He had expected a confrontation, or maybe even Blaine expressing his regret for the kiss, even though he knew Blaine enjoyed it just as much as he did.

"What do you mean?", he asked guardedly, thinking that it was too good to be true.

"It was wrong of me to try to blackmail you into quitting. I know that it's not easy to stop misusing drugs and that some people never manage it. I just.. I guess I just want you to be happy and not destroy yourself", Blaine said with a cautious expression, looking for any sign that he had upset the beautiful boy in front of him.

Kurt was about to say something when Blaine interrupted him.  
>"Hear me out. I shouldn't have offered myself as a prize, if I can be considered a prize at all, I should have offered you help and assistance. And above all, I should have offered you myself as someone you can lean on when things are too hard for you to deal", Blaine smiled with that familiar twinkle in his eye before he continued.<br>"That's why I'm doing it now, Kurt. I know that things will be hard, but I want you to try. I know that deep inside you wish for a life where you're not dependant on anything or anyone, let alone drugs. I know it'll be hard, but I want to help you through it. I want to be your friend, your confidant and maybe even something more"

Kurt was shell-shocked. Ok, this was definitely not what he had expected. He swallowed audibly and was suddenly very self-conscious of himself.

"Blaine..", he mumbled, trying to string together his thoughts. What did this mean?

"Let me just say it.. Kurt, I think I'm falling in love with you"

**AN: There. He said it. I hope you guys are happy. And I'm not sure whether I've written this before, but you can find me on Tumblr as well. I'm gleeloving. **


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: This is just a lot of Klaine fluff. There are cute, though (: **

_Kurt was shell-shocked. Ok, this was definitely not what he had expected. He swallowed audibly and was suddenly very self-conscious of himself. _

"_Blaine..", he mumbled, trying to string together his thoughts. What did this mean?_

"_Let me just say it.. Kurt, I think I'm falling in love with you"_

Kurt felt his knees turn into jelly. He didn't realise it himself, but he was trembling. No one had ever said those words to him before. He knew it was silly and even though he had decided to stay single and alone for the rest of his life, he did occasionally dream about the day this would happen. He wondered if it would be romantic, embarrassing or a complete disaster. Turns out it was just scary. Yes, Kurt Hummel was scared. He was scared of Blaine's words, of the assurance that Blaine promised. He was scared to believe those promises in case they didn't end up being true.

Blaine bit his bottom lip, hoping that Kurt would say something.

"Kurt?"

Kurt snapped his head up to look Blaine in the eye. His eyes were filled with uncertainty, fear and… hope?

"You're in love with me?", he asked just to confirm that his ears were still working.

Blaine nodded slowly.  
>"I'm in love with you"<p>

Kurt stared at him for a while. At first glance, he thought Blaine was super sexy, then he thought he was cute. When he got to know him better, he learned that Blaine was one of the most sincere people he had ever met. He learned that even he, a drug addict with a horrible attitude, could get a friend who cared about him. Blaine quickly became his best friend. Still, he couldn't shake off the feeling that he wanted more. When he kissed the doctor's lips, he found that his perspective in live changed slightly. He had thought about Blaine's parting words a million times the last week. He even entertained the idea of quitting drugs just for him. Just thinking the thought of quitting was something new for Kurt. Could it be? Could it be that Kurt Hummel had fallen for the doctor as well? Kurt didn't know whether he wanted to fall for him. It would certainly complicate his lifestyle. But wasn't it what Blaine was offering as well? An escape route from his miserable life?

"You don't have to feel the same way about me", Blaine rushed.  
>"I will help and support you anyhow. I meant every word I said, Kurt. I just felt that I should tell you how I feel as well"<p>

Kurt turned his back to Blaine and closed his eyes. Why had this have to be so damned difficult? Wasn't this what everybody wanted? Wasn't this the whole point of life? Finding somebody to love who loves you in return?

"Kurt..", Blaine repeated when he didn't answer and put his hand on Kurt's shoulder.

"Blaine, just shut the fuck up and let me think", he muttered. Blaine quickly retrieved his hand.

Kurt didn't want to lose his best friend because of some stupid feelings, but would he be able to stay Blaine's friend when he knew he had these unresolved feelings that he barely admitted to himself? He was tired of struggling alone. He knew he came across as a loner who didn't need anyone in his life, but he was just a normal human being. No, he was a broken human being, and he wanted someone to love him. He wanted that love that he had denied himself since his father died.

"I don't know what this is", Kurt started as he turned towards Blaine again. Blaine let go of the breath he didn't even know he had been holding.

"And I won't promise a single fucking thing, but all I know is that I feel good when I'm with you. Like I'm worth something. You make me feel like a whole human being again. And I want to kiss you, like all the time", Kurt chuckled humourlessly before continuing.

"I'm going to be blunt. You know, before you came along and complicated my life, I _wanted_ to be alone for the rest of my life. But now I find myself wondering what it would be like to have someone to share the days with. I find myself wondering what it would be like to be able to hold you hand. To be able to cuddle with you while watching a movie. To be able to kiss you. So yeah, if that what love is, I guess I'm in love. Or whatever", Kurt shrugged, not wanting to show Blaine how much this affected him. Truth was that those were the most honest sentences he had said in a long time.

"So do it", Blaine said in a voice barely louder than a whisper.

"Do what?", Kurt stared dumbly back at him.

"Kiss me, if that's what you want", Blaine smiled tentatively. They probably had a long way to go, but it was a start.

That was all the reassurance Kurt needed. He closed the gap between them by wrapping his arms around Blaine's hips, and kissed him softly on the lips. The kiss was sweet and gentle, unlike the kisses Kurt usually had. It was cautious, as if they were testing the waters. It was in vain, as the two boys were quickly attuned to the other and before they knew it, the kiss had turned into something passionate and hot.

Blaine eventually pulled away, flustered and his hair in a disarray as Kurt had found it amusing to pull at it while they made out.

"Wow..", Blaine breathed in awe.

"…I have junk in my fingers", Kurt stated bluntly staring at his right hand that was smeared in the extensive amount of hair gel Blaine abused his curls with.

An awkward silence followed the statement. The boys made eye contact and suddenly the broke into fits of laughter. That was when they realised that it was not a mistake. Their friendship would not be sacrificed as it was something that was more natural to them than breathing itself.

"So.. What does this mean?", Blaine asked softly, running his fingers over Kurt's back as they were locked in an embrace.

Kurt brushed his nose over Blaine's neck, wanting to snuggle close to him on the couch.

"That I get to hold your hand and kiss you, and you get to take me out on awesome dates, I guess", he replied, afraid of putting a label on it. He wanted it to stay like this, natural and carefree.

"Sounds like a great idea", Blaine chuckled. He didn't want to press Kurt too much, though he would like nothing more than to call him his boyfriend.

They boys ordered in Thai food and watched The Lion King while they snuggled close to each other on the couch. Blaine learned that Kurt knew all the lines by heart and Kurt learned that the doctor's singing voice could melt his heart. They both realised that it would be the first of many lessons about the other.

They knew that it couldn't be this easy always. At some point, they had to address the hardship they were about to face. Blaine made Kurt a promise that he intended to keep, no matter what. He was going to help Kurt get rid of his addiction, but he needed Kurt to be on his side. He couldn't do it without Kurt's consent. When the movie was over, they both instinctively knew that they had to talk about the serious stuff.

"How often do you use?", Blaine asked. He thought that might be a nice way to start planning. He had contacted an old friend from college who specialised in strong drug addiction cases, and the friend promised to help Kurt. In order to make a specialised plan for Kurt, Blaine had to give him all the details. He knew that they usually didn't talk about the details of Kurt's problem when they were together, but they had to start at some point.

Kurt just shrugged, unfazed by the question.  
>"Everyday, more or less. Depends on the day. Some days I get by with one dose, while other days I do two or three"<p>

Blaine nodded in reply.  
>"Why do you take more than one dose some days?"<p>

Kurt thought about it for a while.

"Sometimes I'm just bored, you know? And sometimes the craving just kicks in when I'm angry, depressed or stressed out"

"When did you start using?", Blaine finally asked the question he had been dying to ask ever since he got to know the boy.

Kurt fixed his eyes on Blaine's.

"Since the summer before senior year. It was only marijuana at first, but then it just got worst", Kurt replied slowly, guarding himself for any unwanted reaction Blaine might have. Instead, Blaine wrapped his arms around him.

"I wish I knew you before that happened. We did live pretty close after all. I wish were friends back then", he whispered, and Kurt felt a sense of safety. He pulled himself closer to the doctor and rested his head on Blaine's shoulder, his favourite place to be for the time being.

"I could have needed a friend like you back then, too", Blaine confided. He knew he had to tell Kurt about things that were hard to talk about for him as well if this was going to work. He couldn't let Kurt be the only one to share things that were hard to talk about.

Kurt looked at him with his massive bluish green orbs with a questioning expression on his face.

"I didn't know anyone my age who was gay. I wish I had someone to talk to, just so I would have stopped telling myself that it wasn't ok to be gay. Someone to tell me that my dad was wrong when he constantly informed me that fags belong in hell, when he told me how much of a failure I was going to be because _no__one__wanted__to__be__around__fags_", Blaine let out a dry chuckle that only indicated the bitterness he felt towards his father. Kurt rubbed Blaine's back soothingly. He was new to this, the whole share and listen-thing, but it felt good to have someone confide in him. It felt good that Blaine wanted to share thing with him, it felt good to be needed. Sometimes it felt like Kurt was the only one needing Blaine, but he realised that Blaine needed him just as much.

"What about your mother?", Kurt enquired.

"She didn't dare say anything against my father, she was too much of a coward for that. Wonder if she realised that she was going to lose her only child by not standing up to that man, or if she simply didn't care the day I left home for good", Blaine huffed.

Kurt continued stroking Blaine's back and didn't know what to say. He really wasn't used to this. Usually he just told people to suck it up and do another dose.

"But then I moved to New York", Blaine added in a lighter tone. It was so typical Blaine to focus on the good sides, Kurt thought.

"I graduated from medical school as the best student in my year, and now I'm a doctor who loves his job", he smiled.

"So take that, dad"

Kurt chuckled slightly at that.  
>"Does your dad know that you're a doctor?"<p>

From what Blaine had provided of information, it didn't seem like he had any contact with his family. At least Kurt sent Carole an occasional letter or email stating that he was alive.

Blaine shrugged.  
>"My college bills were paid with the trust fund my grandfather left me, and I know that my dad can monitor the fund as an Anderson, even though he can't take a single cent from it. Luckily my grandfather died before I came out. If my father ever bothered to take a look at the fund, he would see that I managed to do something with my life"<p>

Even though Blaine wore a small smile, Kurt could see the pained expression in his eyes.

"Are you ever going to see them again?", Kurt asked.

Blaine shrugged once again.  
>"I don't know. They haven't exactly tried to contact me ever since I left"<p>

Kurt sighed and pulled the younger man closer to him. Yes, Blaine needed him just as much as he needed Blaine.

The next day Kurt woke up in a strange bed, wondering where he was while he tried to fight of the feeling of déjà vu. There was no one sleeping beside him, but he had a hunch about who the other comforter that was curled at the end of the bed belonged to. Once the morning haze had cleared up, Kurt scrambled to his feet and followed the smell of coffee. He was wearing the same white t-shirt from yesterday, but the tight blue jeans were replaced by Blaine's grey slacks that he had to borrow. As he walked into the familiar kitchen, he saw Blaine's dark curls bouncing as the doctor tried to make toast. Kurt sneaked his way to him and wrapped his arms around the doctor.

"I smell coffee", Kurt greeted and let his fingers run through Blaine's ungelled curls. He couldn't believe how natural it was for him to do this, act all couply with Blaine, even though they weren't officially a couple. All they had done was kiss and cuddle. Still, it felt like it was the way things were meant to be all along.

Blaine smiled and offered Kurt a cup of steaming hot coffee.

"It's only drip coffee, hope it's all right", he explained. He knew that the boy usually ordered a non-fat mocha when they were at cafés, but Blaine's coffee-making skills stopped at manoeuvring the coffee machine.

Kurt simply nodded and blew on the hot liquid that smelled like heaven to him.

The boys ate breakfast together. Kurt read through Blaine's last copy of Vogue while Blaine read the newspaper. The conversation was minimal, apart from Kurt's small outburst of how outrageous some outfits were. After breakfast, Blaine' checked his watch.  
>"My shift starts in an hour, but I've set up an appointment for you with a doctor I know who specializes in drug misuse. I hope that's alright", Blaine hastily added, afraid that he had overstepped.<p>

Kurt quietly nodded, making a grimace. He knew that it was going to be hard, but just the thought of starting made it worst. But it was something he wanted to do, he reminded himself. Not something he was forced to do, but something he wanted for himself.

Blaine had only one hour left of his shift, but it felt like time didn't want to pass at all. He had clinic duty today. It seemed like today was the day for child diseases as he just assured another mother that her child just had the flu. Nothing serious. Not the swine flu or mad cow disease, but just a normal flu. Another mother had a fit earlier that day when he tried to tell her that her son had chicken pox and that she would just have to wait for a week until it passed. She yelled at him for not being able to fix it right away, saying something about not wanting to stay home for an entire week with that brat. Blaine didn't understand how people expected doctors to fix everything immediately. It was almost as if they expected doctors to have a magic wand that they could use to zap away everything. It didn't really help that Blaine had convinced himself that he was madly in love with Kurt. Kurt, the magical, beautiful boy that just walked into his live at this very hospital. Had he known that day when he went to work that he would meet a boy with the most wondrous eyes? Had he known that he would meet the boy that he would finally fall in love with? He spaced out as the thought about the lovely boy that he was so lucky to have in his life, even though said boy didn't want to call himself his boyfriend.

The mother looked at him expectantly and demanded medicine for her son as Blaine snapped out of his reverie. Blaine smiled goofily and scribbled down the right medication for the boy with the flu. He patted the boy in his head with a friendly smile. Just as the hypochondriac mother left, he found himself praying to god that the next patient didn't have a toddler joint to their hip.

Little did he realise that his prayer would be answered in the most unexpected way when a tall boy wearing a huge smirk waltzed into his office, as he was filling in paperwork on the computer.

"Doctor Anderson?", the familiar, high pitched voice said.

Blaine snapped his head towards the direction the voice came from.

"Kurt!", he gasped.

Kurt Hummel was sitting on his patient chair wearing knee-high leather boots, light blue jeans and a leather jacket, looking absolutely faint-worthy.

"What are you doing here?"

"The nurse let me in", Kurt said, the smirk still on his face as he stated the obvious.

Blaine rolled his eyes.

"I can see that. But to my knowledge, you are not sick. Anyways, how did the appointment go?"

Kurt grimaced.

"Fine, I guess. We talked about a lot of things and made another appointment. He made me a plan to follow, for you know, reducing the dosing little by little so that my body won't get a huge shock when I quit. According to him, I can try stopping it completely in two weeks"

Blaine smiled and squeezed his hand.  
>"I'm so proud of you"<p>

"Don't go all mushy on me", Kurt stuck out his tongue.  
>"Anyway, I talked to your nurse and she said that you looked like you were about to break if you got another crazy mother with a sick child. So, I'm jailbreaking you"<p>

Blaine eyes shone with confusion since he was not familiar with the expression.

"I'm jailbreaking you", Kurt repeated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, and shook his head in mock disappointment when Blaine still didn't get it.

"We're escaping! Come on", he stated and got up from his seat. He offered Blaine his hand and Blaine took it cautiously.

"I thought I could cook for you", Kurt flashed him a lovely smile and squeezed his hand.

Blaine hurriedly grabbed his things with the other hand and the boys stopped in front of the door. This would be the first time they held hands in public, but they both knew they were ready for this. With their heads held up high, they walked out of Blaine's office. The nurse winked secretively at the two men. Kurt winked back and took Blaine grocery shopping before they went to Blaine's apartment.

Throwing off his leather jacket, Kurt started to prepare the meal. He was a hell of a cook and he knew it. He loved the way Blaine's eyes would pop when he ate the food Kurt cooked. The poor doctor had lived out of takeouts and mac'n'cheese for too long.

Blaine watched from the countertop as Kurt prepared the meal for them. He wasn't allowed to help him with the food, so he played guitar for Kurt instead. He looked at the tall boy and smiled, remembering a song that he used to like in the past. He thought the song summed up their relationship quite well. As he looked at Kurt, he was filled with a sense that everything was going to be ok. Things were going to be rough, but they would be just all right. Blaine started to play and before long his melodious voice filled the kitchen.

"_**If you have a minute why don't we go?**_

_**Talk about it somewhere only we know**_

_**This could be the end of everything**_

_**So why don't we go?**_

_**Somewhere only we know"**_

**AN: Hope you guys liked it :D Please leave a review! **


	10. Chapter 10

**AN:****I****'****m****so****sorry****for****the****wait****for****this****chapter,****but****I****'****ve****been****on****vacation****and****stuff.****Mostly****… ****stuff.****I****hope****you****guys****like****it****(:**  
>10<p>

The next week went like a dream. Kurt was slowly cutting down his dosage and didn't really have a problem with it as he was truly happy. It was easier to not up the dose when he was happy. Kurt had almost forgotten the feeling. He only remembered what it was like to do a heavy dose to get away from terrible days. He didn't know that it was possible to do it the other way around. To not take a heavy dose because his day wasn't terrible. Now, snorting coke felt like a chore to him. Something he had to do to get through the day so that he could spend the rest of the day with Blaine without thinking that he could be at home snorting coke instead. He had succumbed to the happiness that being with Blaine had brought him.

He met Blaine every day before and after work. While Blaine was at the hospital working at the emergency room or doing clinic duty, Kurt painted. They didn't voice it out loud, but Kurt had more or less moved in with Blaine. He still went to his apartment to get his painting equipment and clothes, but Blaine had silently cleared out space in his own closet for Kurt. There was no way Kurt could fit all his clothes in Blaine's closet, but it was a nice gesture any way.

There were two towels hanging in Blaine's apartment instead of one, and two toothbrushes by the sink. In the cupboard beneath the sink, Kurt had moved all his skin care products. Blaine's bed no longer had one blanket, but two. Seeing how Kurt was a blanket hog, Blaine found it necessary to include another. Blaine had even allowed Kurt to use the guest room as a paint studio when Kurt refused to sleep in it. Kurt liked sleeping next to Blaine. He loved snuggling close to him, and for once in his life feel safe. He loved to wake up in the middle of the night because of a nightmare, only to find Blaine sleeping beside him with the cutest dazed expression on his face.

Sometimes he painted in his own apartment, but Kurt liked painting in Blaine's better. The lighting was better and he had so much more space to work with. He had always hated his small, cramped apartment, but he could never afford something bigger. The little money he earned by selling paintings barely covered the rent and drugs.

There was only one thing Kurt didn't feel right to do in Blaine's apartment, and that was drugs. He couldn't bring himself to snort coke there, no matter how appealing the thought was sometimes. So when Blaine was at the hospital, he would go back to his apartment and take his assigned dose. That gave him enough time to get over the initial high, and it left him contented for the rest of the day.

Kurt knew that it wasn't normal to get used to the smaller dosage so easily. He knew that the only reason why it went so smoothly was because he hadn't had any down days for the last 7 days. But the minute he had a horrible day, he knew that his body would crave the drugs more than he needed oxygen. And he had started smoking like it was his water. He ran though so many cigarettes the past week, just to keep him form thinking about cocaine. It worked to some extent, but it left him smelling like a chimney. However, Blaine took it like a champ. He didn't like that Kurt smoked, but he figured that it was better than cocaine, and hoped that he wouldn't smoke that much when his body finally got used to not having coke in his system.

Kurt stood in front of the stove and was preparing a steak when he thought about the next day. Since Blaine had to work this weekend, he had almost forgotten that it was a Monday the next day. That meant that he had to go back to the rehabilitation specialist and get assigned an even smaller dose. This time he new that the dosage he was allowed was going to me miniscule. He could feel the dread creeping beneath his skin as he tried to ignore it while setting the table. He reminded himself that this was better than being locked up in a rehabilitation centre for months. He knew that the specialist and Blaine were somewhat friendly, so they had made an agreement where Blaine would make sure Kurt didn't fall off the wagon and in return, Kurt got his freedom.

When Blaine came home from work, Kurt had just set dinner on the table for both of them.

"I could get used to this", he greeted with a tiny peck on Kurt's lips. Kurt grinned back.

"Nice day at work?"

Blaine took off his jacket and hung it on the wall before slumping down in the chair in front of his plate.

"Dreadful, actually", he sighed.  
>"I'd rather not talk about it"<p>

Kurt nodded understandingly. It was one of the few this Blaine didn't like to talk about, the days when things at the hospital were bad. He didn't know whether it was because Blaine thought Kurt was fragile or because he didn't want to bring his work home. In all honesty Kurt knew that people die in hospitals all the time, and he wished that Blaine would just talk about it instead of being down all day. So he settled for the second best choice, to get him in another mood.

He leaned forward to kiss Blaine, a mind-blowing kiss that left them both panting for more. Then Kurt served the steak with a smug smile on his lips. He knew what the doctor was thinking about, he was a male too after all. But they had not done anything other that share kisses for the time being, and it frustrated Kurt. He looked at Blaine's downright shocked expression and smiled innocently.

"Don't you like the food, Blaine?"

Blaine recomposed himself and looked at his plate.  
>"It looks delicious"<p>

There. The moment was gone. Kurt had expected Blaine to play on or maybe tease him, but Blaine was just too gentleman to do that. He had pointed out several times during his stay that Kurt should not feel pressured to do anything just because they slept in the same bed. He had even offered him the guest bedroom several times, but Kurt had shot down the offer immediately, saying that he felt safe to sleep with Blaine.

Truth was that at night, when he was snuggled against Blaine, he couldn't stop thinking about what it would be like to do _more._ And every time Kurt had tried to hint it to Blaine, he reacted by either being completely oblivious or by stopping Kurt's wandering hand. Kurt being the person he was, didn't want to talk about it. He just thought he'd try again later.

"Tastes delicious too. I can't thank you enough for feeding me, Kurt. I have no idea food could taste this good", Blaine complimented him, causing Kurt to blush.

"Oh shush you", he mumbled, still not used to the compliments Blaine showered him with. That was the thing about living with Blaine. He was constantly bombarded with love and adoration from the doctor. No matter how much he despised compliments as he usually didn't know how to respond to them, he didn't know how he's go back to living a lonely life in his apartment.

"Seriously, I have no idea why you bother to cook such amazing meals for me everyday. I won't die if we order pizza once in a while", Blaine smiled, adoration clear in his eyes.

Kurt pursed his lips.  
>"It's the least I can do when you let me stay here"<p>

"You can stay here for as long as you want, Kurt", Blaine said immediately. Damn the doctor, always so honest and open about his feelings. Kurt wondered how he could do that. Just put it all out there, not caring if someone hurt you or not.

"I'll remind you of that offer", Kurt said nonchalantly while he jumped in joy on the inside.

Blaine smiled to himself as though he knew a secret and cleaned after them when they were done eating. Kurt watched as Blaine cleaned up. Yes, the doctor definitely had a cleaning obsession. He briefly wondered what it would be like to have sex on the sparkly clean kitchen counter.

"So, I'm going back to Dr. Miller tomorrow", Kurt announced when they were in bed. Blaine's bedside lamp was on and the boys were wearing nothing but boxers and a t-shirt; their usual sleeping attire. Kurt rolled over on his stomach to look at Blaine who was lying on his side, facing Kurt. His eyes shone of pride when Kurt said those words.

Blaine was indescribably proud of his boyf-, his Kurt. He was proud that Kurt was willing to do this for himself, for them. He was proud that Kurt was strong enough to make the decision. He knew that they would have to be strong together for the rest of the journey and he couldn't wait to take part in this significant moment of Kurt's life.

"Tell me how it goes", Blaine whispered.  
>"And don't cook tomorrow, I want to take you out for dinner"<p>

Kurt's heart fluttered at that. What with Blaine working and he finding out how he was going to tackle the next part of his life, Kurt had forgotten that they haven't even gone on a real date yet.

"I'd love to", he smiled softly.

Blaine loved it when they talked like this. On his bed, wrapped underneath each their blankets. In dimmed lighting, giving the sense that they had all the time in the world. Exchanging occasional kisses. Sharing a smile. Life felt so carefree. Sometimes their noses touched, and Blaine couldn't fathom how that could feel as intimate as it did. Kurt's fingertips were drawing something on Blaine's arm at the moment. He had a smile on his face and Blaine knew that Kurt was thinking about him even though they weren't talking.

"Making a masterpiece?", Blaine smiled softly.

"I can't make a masterpiece on a masterpiece", Kurt chuckled.

Blaine's eyes shone with happiness. It wasn't what Kurt had said, it was how he had said it. He could hear the trust and adoration in Kurt's words.

Kurt had to admit it to himself. He was finally giving into that love that he had denied himself for so long, saying that he didn't deserve it, that he didn't need it. But he did. Right now, it felt like he needed it more than air. He wondered how it was possible to get so attached to someone so fast. All he knew was that the though of being without Blaine left his lungs without air and his windpipes constricted. And if that wasn't love, then he didn't know what love was. And God forbid, but if this wasn't love, then he didn't even need to know what love felt like because this was fucking fantastic, and it was all that he needed. To feel loved.

"Any thoughts on tomorrow?", Blaine asked, slipping his fingers between Kurt's.

Kurt sighed audibly.

"I'm not looking forward to it, exactly"

Blaine nodded in reply and pulled him closer, making it impossible for Kurt to continue drawing on his arm.

"It's just gonna be tough, but I've just gotta be tougher, I guess", Kurt confided, his shoulders broadening automatically.  
>"At the end of the day, as long as I have you here, I think it'll all be alright"<p>

Blaine smiled at this. He was mentally prepared to face anything that came his way. It would be worth it, because Kurt was worth it. And he had long ago realised that Kurt was worth fighting for. He also knew that the real challenge started tomorrow.

"You have me for as long as you want", Blaine whispered, placing a sweet kiss on Kurt's forehead.

Three days later Kurt found himself on the floor of Blaine's apartment. In the guest bedroom, to be precise. The bed was wrapped in plastic so that it wouldn't be ruined if Kurt spilled paint on it. Kurt had moved all his painting equipment to this room. The curtains were drawn aside, leaving the room well lit. An unfamiliar working ambience for him.

Kurt was curled on the floor, trying to stop himself from having a anger breakdown. He couldn't paint. He couldn't fucking paint anymore. He had excused the lack of work the last week by telling himself that he was just getting used to the new environment, but he knew deep inside that it wasn't true. Kurt was reliant on bad days to be able to paint. He was reliant on the drugs and the nightmares. He didn't know what to do anymore. He couldn't just paint white daisies and pink hearts. No one would want to buy it. He was a failure.

He didn't know how to paint when it wasn't a way for him to escape reality. And now he was in a perfect reality that he didn't want to escape from. No, a voice in the back of his head said. It would have been more perfect if he could just do his drugs as usual. Kurt fought back and repressed the voice. He had taken his assigned dose of drugs and it made Blaine so happy and proud. It made Blaine smile and that was enough to make him happy, Kurt reminded himself. Blaine was so proud of him. And he didn't want to ruin it.

He stood up and looked at the canvas he was painting on. It didn't resemble anything. There were just a lot of shades of grey and black. A hint of white in between the fragile lines of gray. It was a disaster. He could paint better things than this when he was in preschool.

Just one hit, the voice in his mind told him. One hit. It couldn't hurt. Kurt started to shake. His fingers were trembling and he bit back a silent sob. He couldn't do this. Anger clouded his mind again. No! He wasn't going to crack, not now. Not after everything. He couldn't crack.

In the spur of the moment, Kurt opened a tube of red paint and splashed it across the painting, ruining it. The colours collided. They were not meant to go together. The colours struggled against each other, seeking dominance from the person looking at the painting. Kurt smiled sardonically. There. That was exactly how he felt.

"Wow, that's.. abstract", a voice said behind him. This time it really was a voice that did not belong to him. Kurt turned his head to see Blaine leaning on the door frame, smiling.

"It's nothing. Just me being silly", Kurt mumbled, putting down the paint.

Blaine hugged him from behind and kissed his cheek.  
>"I like it. It's entrancing"<p>

Kurt snorted.  
>"Who uses words like that, Blaine?", he said harshly.<p>

Blaine shrugged.  
>"I do?"<p>

Kurt rolled his eyes and took off his painting shirt, revealing a frame hugging, plain white t-shirt underneath that didn't leave much to imagination.

"You are early from work", he stated simply, his bad mood not quite gone.

"The hospital let me go early. And I have the next two days off", Blaine smiled cautiously. He could sense Kurt's bad mood and didn't want to trigger an unwanted reaction.

Kurt smiled slightly at this, but the smile didn't react his eyes. He knew that he should be happy that he could spend time with Blaine, and he was happy, but he still couldn't shrug off the feeling of _need._Craving. Wanting cocaine so badly that it hurt. He could feel it now. He could feel that the amount had decreased. He could feel it in his veins and his mind. It needed more. It screamed for more and it made Kurt want to claw out his brains with his bare fingers. Still, he offered Blaine a half-hearted smile.

"Kurt, are you ok?", Blaine asked in a friendly tone.

Kurt shook his head with a downcast gaze.

"I.. just really, really need it so fucking bad"

Blaine took his hand and kissed it softly, causing Kurt to relax a little. He loved it when Blaine showered him in affection and it seemed like Blaine had so many small kisses to offer. Just the simple touch of a fingertip could sooth Kurt.

"It's going to be better", Blaine promised.

"I know, I know. I keep telling myself that, but I'm afraid that I'm going to fuck up everything like I always do! I can't even paint anymore, Blaine!", Kurt sighed.

"Hey, don't do that to yourself. You are not going to fuck up", Blaine assured him as he squeezed his hand comfortingly.

"And I love your painting!", he said with the same enthusiasm a mother would have when her child shows her something.

Kurt laughed dryly.  
>"You're just saying that"<p>

"No, I really mean it. It's a bit confusing, but I think that's the point. Maybe you should try to sell it"

Kurt looked at him like he was insane, but Blaine didn't back away.

"How about I take you to that French place you like so much for dinner today, huh?", Blaine quickly changed the subject and smiled charmingly.

Kurt knew it was clichéd, but he couldn't resist melting when Blaine smiled like that.

"Why are you so good to me, Blaine?"

"Because you deserve it", Blaine answered and kissed his cheek swiftly before taking a step back.

"I'm just going to take a shower first, ok? Lets say we leave in about an hour. Does that sound good?", the doctor asked.

Kurt nodded and started to put away his paintbrushes while Blaine hit the shower. As Kurt heard the sound of water from the shower, he couldn't resist thinking what it would be like to be in there with Blaine.

The two boys were seated in a secluded part of the restaurant and Blaine was just watching Kurt shine in happiness. He watched as Kurt took in everything, the chandeliers, the antique tables and the exquisite food in front of them. The look on Kurt's face was worth it all, and Blaine decided that moment that this was how he was going to keep Kurt. Happy and content for the rest of his life. For nothing in the world was as rewarding as seeing this smile on Kurt's face.

"You are so beautiful", Blaine blurted out, causing Kurt to laugh a melodious laughter that dripped of cheerfulness.

"Why thank you, Dr. Anderson", Kurt smiled cheekily and took another bite of his food.

"How can you afford all of this? I mean, the huge – I mean really huge – apartment, the fancy car, the expensive dates that you take me on… Everything. How do you do it?", Kurt asked curiously. He didn't come from money. His father owned a tire shop while he lived and all though they weren't poor, they didn't roll in money either. So being treated like this by Blaine, was just so strange. If he was honest with himself, it felt fantastic. He felt like he was a prince or something equally fancy. Like he was worth it.

Blaine blushed a little. He didn't really liked talking about money. Unlike his family and their friends, he didn't like to brag about the money in his account. But, he didn't live a peasant's life either.

"Being a doctor has its perks. Like the salary", he simply stated.

"Don't get me wrong, I'd still hang out you even if you lived in a cardboard box by central park, but what is it like? Being rich, I mean", Kurt asked. It had always been a secret dream he had. Being good enough to be a successful artist who earned millions.

Blaine was growing more uncomfortable by the second.  
>"It's ok, I guess. I don't know, really. I've never not been rich", he said with a bit of bitterness in his voice.<p>

Kurt looked at him questioningly and Blaine sighed as he put down his fork.

"Sometimes I wonder if things would have been easier for me if my parents weren't rich. If they didn't have that perfect image that they had to uphold", Blaine answered honestly. _If__they__could__have__found__a__place__for__their__gay__son__in__their__ "__perfect__" __family._The unsaid sentence hung between them, and Kurt knew it was what Blaine meant. He just knew Blaine.

Kurt grabbed Blaine's hand and squeezed it in what he hoped was a comforting manner. He wasn't used to this. This comforting thing. Being there for other people. Usually he just ran.

"They're idiots for not seeing you for who you are", Kurt assured. Ok, this wasn't so bad. It actually felt good to put that smile on Blaine's face.

Blaine flashed him a smile.  
>"How did I become so lucky?"<p>

Kurt's eyes widened a bit. Blaine thought _he_was lucky to have _Kurt_?  
>"I think you have a concussion or something", he mumbled, picking on his food.<p>

Blaine smiled and locked his eyes on Kurt's.

"You have no idea how lucky I am, Kurt. You have no idea how lonely I was before you"

"Please", Kurt snorted.  
>"You must have had hundreds of boyfriends before we started… dating. Boys must have thrown their selves over you"<p>

Blaine simply shook his head.

"Nah. Not a single boyfriend. I'll be honest, there were a few guys at college who hit on me, but I never actually liked them or.. acted on it"

Kurt looked at him with an open mouth. Shit. Doctor Blaine Anderson was a capital V virgin.


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: I'm going to apologize in advance for this emotionally bipolar chapter. But apart from that, I'm actually quite pleased with the chapter. We get to see a bit different side of Kurt and another side of Doctor Anderson. **

No wonder Kurt didn't get laid.

That night when they went to bed, Blaine automatically out his arms around him. Kurt had just assumed that the doctor was more experienced in the love department than him because he was so self-secure all the time. Blaine had this way of being that just made everyone around him feel comfortable. Kurt always felt safe when he was around him, and he had just assumed that it was because Blaine knew what he was doing.

He looked at the doctor who was halfway asleep, with his eyes closed. His breathing was still a bit erratic, so Kurt assumed that he wasn't asleep yet. The look on Blaine's face was serene and content. As if he had the life he had always wanted. But how could he be sure when he didn't have anything to compare with, Kurt found himself thinking. Doubting. What would happen the day Blaine woke up and found out that he wasn't in love Kurt anymore? That it was just a petty crush?

"How can you be so sure?", Kurt blurted out, unable to stop himself.

Blaine peered at him with one open eye.

"Sure of what?"

"That you're in love with me?"

Blaine opened both his eyes and secured his grip around Kurt.  
>"Aren't you just supposed to know? Butterflies in the stomach, fluttering in the heart and all that?", he asked, confused by where this conversation was going.<p>

Kurt stared at him with a neutral expression. Blaine hated it when Kurt did that. Shut himself off emotionally.

"I think I just know. Is that a good enough answer?", Blaine smiled and brushed Kurt's soft cheek with his thumb.

Kurt wiggled his way out of Blaine's arms so that he could lay on his stomach, to get a better view of the doctor.  
>"But <em>how<em>can you know when you've never had a boyfriend before?"

Blaine thought about for a minute while he caressed Kurt's hand.  
>"How do you know?", he asked Kurt.<p>

"I know because I've never felt this way around other boys before", the pale boy answered without hesitation.

"Well, neither have I", Blaine replied in an almost defensive manner.

"But have you ever been with another boy before?", Kurt asked as he rolled his eyes.

Blaine sighed.  
>"I don't have to have been with someone to know that I've fallen for you, Kurt". Why couldn't Kurt just believe him? Didn't he trust him?<p>

Kurt bit his lip.  
>"I.. couldn't bear it if you left me"<p>

Blaine's eyes softened at once. He couldn't believe Kurt was afraid of that. If someone should be afraid of being left, it was him.  
>"Oh, Kurt. I'm not going to leave you. I promise. I wish I could explain how I know that I'm in love with you, but I really can't. All I know that is I want to be with you every single minute of the day"<p>

Kurt smiled softly when he heard the sincereness in Blaine's voice. It was hard not to believe him when every fibre in his body wanted to believe him. He desperately wanted to believe that the fairytale he suddenly woke up in was true. And Blaine was just way too perfect for him.

"I believe you", he whispered and pressed his lips against the doctor's.

Blaine automatically responded by kissing him back. This had quickly become his favourite pastime. The kiss evolved from chaste to something deeper. Kurt gently dipped his tongue between Blaine's lips and savoured the feeling of him. Their bodies were pressed against each other, and a feeling of rush overtook them completely. Blaine held a firm grip on Kurt's hips and deepened the kiss. Kurt moaned softly against his lips and pushed their panting bodies closer together, though it was an impossible feat. Blaine stiffened a little when he felt Kurt's hard on against his thigh, while Kurt slowly stroke Blaine's back from the nape of his neck and downward. When he reached Blaine's waistband and playfully toyed with it, Blaine pulled away from the kiss by reflex, jumping backwards. His cheeks were flushed and he bit down his bottom lip.

"I.. I am sorry", Blaine said nervously when he saw the incredulous look on Kurt's face.

Kurt laid down flat on the bed and stared intently at the ceiling to cool himself down. Great. He couldn't have drugs and now he couldn't even have sex. The fairytale-like feeling he was in just a few minutes ago had completely vanished. Kurt wanted to get that back, he knew that it wasn't normal to get so upset over something this simple. He could wait for Blaine, he knew he could. Because he loved him so, so much. Why was he getting so worked up over this? He was so tired of fighting. Fighting against the drugs, against his own body, against the fucking mood swings. If everything would just leave him alone.

"I'm not.. I'm not ready for us to do _that_ yet", Blaine mumbled ashamed, piercing the silence.  
>Kurt tried his best not to sigh at that. He had to be the patient boyfriend who did things in Blaine's tempo. He owned Blaine at least that much.<p>

"Yeah.. No pressure..", Kurt said a bit uncomfortably with a frown in his forehead.

Blaine was about to say something, but Kurt cut him off.  
>"Let's just go to sleep".<p>

He placed a chaste kiss on Blaine's cheek and turned around so that his back faced the doctor.

"Good night, Blaine"

"Good night, Kurt.."

He could hear Blaine's pounding heart, but tried to ignore it as he closed his eyes and tried to give in to sleep. The minutes trickled away, but he still couldn't fall asleep. The bedside clock told him that he had stayed like this for thirty minutes. Kurt tried to listen to Blaine's irregular breathing and realised that the doctor couldn't sleep either.

Reluctantly, Kurt turned to face him.

"Are you mad at me?", Blaine whispered to the night.

"Not at you", Kurt replied. Blaine looked at him questioningly before realising that it was dark and that Kurt couldn't see it.

"Why are you mad, then?"

Kurt narrowed his eyes.  
>"I'm mad at myself", he grumbled, his voice getting louder.<p>

"I'm mad because you are so amazing and I almost ruined it because of sex!"

"Hey", Blaine murmured softly, stroking Kurt's cheek gently with his thumb. Kurt reacted to his touch out of reflex by craning his neck towards him to get closer.  
>"You didn't ruin anything", Blaine assured.<br>"I understand that you have certain needs, and I promise I'll get there soon. Just not yet.."

Kurt sighed and put an arm around him.

"I can wait", he whispered and cuddled close to the doctor. Their bodies came together like two perfect puzzle pieces. And sleep engulfed them both before long.

The next day Blaine waked Kurt by jumping on the bed.  
>"…What the hell are you doing?", Kurt groaned and buried his face in the pillow to shut the lights out.<p>

"Get up, Kurt!", Blaine's cheerful voice even managed to seep in through the pillow.

"No.. Lemme sleep..", Kurt muttered and desperately tried to tune out the doctor.

"But we're going to an amusement park", Blaine grinned and shook Kurt awake.

Kurt had no other choice that to re-emerge from the comfy pillow when he heard that. His face portrayed a look of sheer disbelief.  
>"An amusement park, Blaine? Seriously, how old are we? Five?"<p>

"Come on, it will be fun!", Blaine was practically bouncing on the spot, causing his unruly curls to bounce along with him.

Kurt sighed and gave in. He didn't have the heart to deny Blaine something that made him so happy. Besides, Blaine looked like a puppy when he was happy. And Kurt loved puppies.

Once the boys were there, Blaine was like a tornado. He wanted to go everywhere. Kurt smiled at the sight of Blaine being completely crazy. The always so calm, in control doctor was gone. In his place was this guy who just _had_ to go on _all_the rides. Bracing himself for hours of dizziness, Kurt let himself be dragged to the nearest roller coaster.

After waiting in line for ten minutes while Kurt told him just why roller coasters were a bad idea, Blaine still didn't budge.  
>"But they are unsafe!"<p>

"People go on them all the time, Kurt"

"People die on them all the time, too!"

"You are _not_going to die.."

"What if the seat belt doesn't work and we fall off? It's an awfully long fall"

"Of course the seat belts are going to work"

"What if the seat falls out with the seat belts on?"

"Kurt!", Blaine laughed, finding the other man's nervousness adorable. "We are not going to die", he guaranteed and took his hand. A few people looked their way, noticing how close the two boys were. Some people smiled reassuringly towards them, while some children pointed at them in an obvious manner and asked their parents something. Said parents suddenly became embarrassed and told off the children for pointing. There were a few disapproving glances, but the two men couldn't care less.

Kurt was panicking by the time he was strapped on the seat of the rollercoaster and he heard the machine start. The few agonising seconds where you know it's going to come soon, but you don't know when. The anticipation killed Kurt.  
>"Blaine..", he whimpered like a kicked kitten.<br>"I can't do this.."

Blaine squeezed his hand and flashed him his most trustworthy smile. The smile usually reserved for the young children on their first doctor's visit. That second the rollercoaster sped forward and everything Kurt could remember was that he screamed at the top of his lungs as he squeezed Blaine's hand so hard that it would probably leave a bruise. He shrieked a non-stop string of curse words and refused to open his eyes. When the ride finally ended, he was shaking all over. Blaine had to drag him away from the ride in order to let other people get in.

"Kurt honey, are you ok?", Blaine asked in a concerned voice. Kurt looked like he was about to throw up. Blaine swore that he could see a tinge of green in the tall man's cheeks.

Kurt's breathing was irregular and his face spilt into the most brilliant smile Blaine had ever seen.  
>"Are you kidding me? It was fantastic! We have to go again", he gushed, startling Blaine. Truth was that those few minutes on the rollercoaster while he feared for his life took away all thoughts about drugs. He didn't think about the craving once, as he was busy thinking about other things. Like how he wanted to shag Blaine before he died a tragic death by the hands of a rollercoaster.<p>

"Okay", Blaine grinned toothily.  
>"I knew you'd warm up to it"<p>

Many rides and seven corndogs later, Kurt found himself on one of those ridiculously small plastic benches for children.  
>"I feel sick…", he groaned.<p>

Blaine ran his fingers over Kurt's back, rubbing soothing circles through the fabric.  
>"You shouldn't have eaten all those corndogs..", he murmured.<p>

"I know that, Blaine. Don't make it worse", Kurt groaned. Blaine sighed, feeling a new mood swing coming his way. He didn't let go of Kurt and just stroked his back silently. Kurt leaned his head on Blaine's shoulder and Blaine immediately wrapped his arm around him.

"I want to go home", even Kurt's voice sounded sick.

"Of course we can go home", Blaine whispered, but couldn't resist smiling. Kurt had just called his apartment _home._He pressed a soft kiss onto his forehead and couldn't stop smiling. Kurt, however, didn't notice the smile or the fact that he had called the place home.

His attention was fixed on three guys snickering. It wouldn't have been so unsettling if it wasn't for the fact that they were pointing their way and Kurt could clearly hear one of the boys utter the word 'faggot'. Blaine saw Kurt tense and looked up. He followed Kurt's gaze to the boys and just rolled his eyes when he realised that they were talking about them – or rather mocking them.  
>"Don't bother about them, Kurt. They're not worth it", he said, both to Kurt and for himself.<p>

Kurt's head snapped up to send Blaine a piercing stare.  
>"How can you <em>not<em>care. It's fucking disgusting", he spat out loud, sending a death glare to the boys. On of the boys laughed when he heard Kurt.

"You know what's disgusting, faggot? You are! I bet you'd even suck my dick if I let you, huh?", he growled, earning him a round of laughter from his group of friends.

Kurt clenched his jaw and got up, somewhat out of balance as he was still feeling sick from the rides and the corndog. The guys in front of him just added to that off feeling in his stomach. He seriously thought he would throw up any time.

"You close-minded idiots are disgusting!", he snapped at them. Blaine widened his eyes and got to his feet.

"Kurt.. Let's just go. It's not worth it", he murmured, not wanting to get in a fight.

At this, Kurt just saw red.

"I'm fucking tired, Blaine. I'm tired of fighting against everything and everyone. So, god help me if I have to fight you too", he growled.

"Woah.. Kurt, I think you should back down", Blaine said in a calm voice.

"Fuck no! I won't!", he screamed. Kurt tried to think. He tried to think how he would usually react in a similar situation, but his head was filled with mud. He had grown up in Lima, for crying out loud! He was used to the name calling, the teasing and the bullying. He had grown up with no other choice than to live with these idiots, but now he was out of control. He couldn't stop even if he wanted to. And he didn't want to. He was so tired of fighting it all.

"Bring it on, _faggot._ I'm not afraid of a little cocksucker like you", the burly guy from the gang took of his jacket and gave it to his friend. He flexed the muscles on his arm and looked menacingly at Kurt. Blaine gasped at this and tugged on Kurt's arm.  
>"Kurt, we have to go. This is not safe!", he rushed as the guy came closer to them. It was unsure whether the guy did it for the dramatic effect or whether he just imagined it, but every step seemed to take an eternity to Blaine.<p>

When Kurt didn't budge, he tried to drag him away.  
>"Kurt! Have you lost your mind?", he breathed, successfully dragging Kurt away from the man even though Kurt fought against him.<p>

"Let me go, Blaine! It's none of your business", he sneered.

"Like hell it's my business. You are my business", Blaine raised his voice, stopping in his tracks.  
>"And I'm not about to let some homophobe beat you to pulp"<p>

The same moment, two security guards had noticed the debacle and came between Kurt and the other man. One guard held Kurt in place while the other pulled the burly guy away. Only when the group of guys had decided to go, did the guard let go of Kurt. He asked them to leave the park in a stern voice, and Blaine apologized for them both before literally dragging a fuming Kurt away. The walked towards the entrance without saying a word.

Blaine slipped into the drivers seat in his car and gripped the steering wheel with so much force that his knuckles turned white. He didn't start the car, the keys were in the ignition, but he didn't make any move to start the car.

"What is wrong with you?", Kurt thundered as he slammed the door shut after him when he entered the car.  
>"Why didn't you say anything?"<p>

Blaine just tightened his grip around the steering wheel, painfully so.

There was a fire inside of Kurt. The want, no the need, for drugs was stronger than he had felt ever since he started downsizing the dosage. It felt as though his throat was parched and his heart was beating faster and faster, almost out of control. Small pearls of sweat emerged in his forehead, causing it to glint in the daylight.

"Do you realise how stupid that was?", Blaine finally said.  
>"If those guards didn't break it up in time, he could have <em>killed<em> you"

Kurt slumped back in his seat, feeling absolutely terrible. The sick sensation he felt earlier had just intensified and it felt like he was shaking everywhere. Every breath was so much harder and he just wanted to faint. To sleep. To get away. Anywhere.

Kurt's thoughts were interrupted by a little hitch of breath from Blaine. It wasn't loud, but he heard it nevertheless.

"Blaine..", Kurt didn't know what to do when he saw Blaine's head on the steering wheel. Blaine's breathing was irregular and a small tear trickled down his chin.

"You could have been killed, Kurt", he said in a broken voice. He wasn't sobbing, he was crying silently. And it broke Kurt's heart.  
>"That guy was so big and I was so scared… I should have done something.."<p>

Kurt didn't know what he could do to comfort him, so he awkwardly placed his hand on Blaine's back. Blaine didn't move.  
>"Blaine…", Kurt groaned. He hated that Blaine was making him feel guilty.<p>

"I'm sorry", Blaine whispered. Kurt's heart broke when he heard that.

"Can we just go home now?", Kurt sighed. Blaine didn't fail to notice that he said _home_again_._And if not nothing, it cheered him up just a bit.

Kurt on the other hand, leaned back on the car seat and closed his eyes. He felt like absolute hell. The Craving was back and it felt worst than he had expected it to feel. It was as if his entire body needed air, but it didn't help to gulp in as much oxygen as he could. It was as if he was hungrier than ever before, but his stomach told him that he was full. It was as though everything he needed, peace, paradise, nirvana, whatever fucking thing they called it these days, was in his reach, but something was holding him back. And that something was himself. He wanted to claw out his fingernails and look for remains of cocaine in the skin underneath. He wanted to pull out his hair, cut something, anything, just to feel something else other than the dry feeling in his throat. Something other than his veins pressing each blood cell dry, in hope of finding just a speck of coke.

Blaine started the car and Kurt felt sicker and sicker. He wanted Blaine to stop the car, but he didn't want to make a fuss. Blaine stared pointedly at the road. His expression wasn't angry, but serene. Though he tried, Kurt couldn't guess what he was thinking about. Maybe because he just couldn't focus. His mind wanted him to focus on the feeling of desperate need while his body wanted him to focus on the sick feeling in his stomach. In the end, his body won the fight and he was his own hideously pale reflection in the little mirror in the car.

"Blaine, you have to stop the car", Kurt rushed.

Blaine looked at him for the first time since he started driving and his eyes widened when he saw the state Kurt was in.

"Oh my god, are you ok?", the doctor asked as he pulled over on the side of the road, stopping the car.

Kurt was about to answer, but he felt his gag reflex press against his throat and he opened the car door just in time to hurl the contents of his stomach on the pavement. A string of thoughts pressed through his mind. Oh god. He had just puked in front of Blaine. That was on his list of the grossest things someone could do.

Blaine didn't even hesitate to get out of the car and hurry towards Kurt who's head hung outside the car.

"Baby, are you ok?", he asked and wiped off Kurt's mouth with the cuff of his shirt, not even caring about soiling it.

Kurt immediately turned his head away, not wanting Blaine to see him this way. It was just too embarrassing. But Blaine just didn't seem to let it go.

"Kurt, look at me", he said seriously, slipping into the doctor role. When Kurt refused to look his way, Blaine cupped his face gently.

"Kurt, it's ok. Seriously, I don't care that you just threw up. I'm worried about you. What happened?", he asked fervently.

Kurt wiped his mouth, even though there was nothing there. He wished he had a bottle of water with him so that he could wash away the disgusting taste of vomit. He wiped his mouth again, even though his hand just scraped against his bare skin. He felt Blaine's piercing stare against his skin.

"I… I think I just had too many corndogs", he said, cheeks flushing.

"..Are you sure it isn't anything else?", Blaine asked tentatively. He stroked Kurt's cheek comfortingly. He hated that Kurt was feeling embarrassed for something like this. He was used to seeing worse things at work, and he just wanted Kurt to feel at ease around him. He still couldn't help but feel his heart constrict a little when he saw that this wasn't the case.

"I told you. I'm just sick from the rides", Kurt said firmly.

Blaine nodded.  
>"Can I get you anything?"<p>

Kurt just shook his head.

"Could you just.. get us home?"

Blaine pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead.

"Of course, Kurt. Just tell me if you need anything else, ok? Anything", he smiled before getting in the car again. Kurt pulled himself back into the car and felt the need to throw up again when he smelled the smell of vomit on his clothes. He hastily threw off his t-shirt towards the back of the car and slumped back on the seat.

He wanted to tell Blaine that there was something he could give him. He could give him a heating spoon, a needle and some goddamn holy cocaine. He clenched his fingers around his own wrist, digging his fingernails in the tender skin there. He could feel a tingle from the pain and a small smile crept to the corner of his lips. He dug in further. His nails didn't pierce the skin, but he would definitely leave a mark there. And the exciting feeling from the pain made The Craving number. Maybe if he pushed just a little bit further, it would go away all together. Kurt felt his skin break under his ivory nails and the searing pain shot straight to his brain.

His eyes darted toward the red and irritated marks on his wrist. He wasn't bleeding as he just barely pierced the skin. What are you doing, Hummel?, he found himself thinking, momentarily panicking. How could he be so stupid as to resort to hurting himself physically in order to escape The Craving? There was no way he was doing that again.

Before he noticed it, the car stopped and they were in front of Blaine's apartment again. Kurt got out of the car as fast as he could to get some fresh air and Blaine came out right after.

"You'll be alright, Kurt. I'm going to take so good care of you", he said reassuringly.

Kurt managed to offer him a weak smile.

"Yeah… But I'm kinda shirtless, so can we go inside?", he said a bit awkwardly as held his wrist out of Blaine's sight.

Blaine laughed at that. It was nice to see that the real Kurt was in there somewhere even when they had their rough patches. So they went inside and Blaine kept his promise and took care of Kurt.

**AN: Reviews are love. **


	12. Chapter 12

12

Kurt woke up in the middle of the night. He turned his head ever so slightly to see that Blaine was sleeping soundly beside him. Facing the ceiling again, he tried to remember why he had woken. Did he have a nightmare? No, he his heart didn't race the way it would have if he did. Was he hungry? No, his stomach didn't growl. Instead, it was filled with a feeling of dread. He felt empty inside. Hollow. Lonely.

This part he couldn't even understand. Sometimes he had this feeling when he was at his own apartment, before he met Blaine, and thought about his dad. He knew this feeling of depression all too well. But why now? It didn't make any sense. He had his arms wrapped around Blaine and the doctor's body was emitting warmth to prove that he was still there. The adorable smile on Blaine's sleeping face reminded him of the love he was being showered in every day. Sometimes they had their disagreements, but it was nothing a kiss couldn't fix.

It had been two days since Kurt was told to cut off drugs completely. Blaine's days off from work went like a blur after the amusement park incident and Kurt didn't even know how the time had passed when Blaine stood there with his briefcase in hand and was about to walk out the door to get to work again. Three days after that, he went back to the specialist and got the news he dreaded; it was time for him to stop using all together.

Kurt decided to take it like a champ. This was want he wanted after all. He wanted to quit. So why was it so damned hard? He knew he was addicted to the substance. He wasn't some stupid college boy who claimed to be able to quit on the day, but still did coke everyday. He wasn't in denial. Then why was it so damned hard?

A cigarette would help, he told himself and kissed Blaine on the forehead quietly before untangling himself from the sleeping man. He headed towards the balcony that had a nice view of New York. Even after living here for so many weeks, Kurt was still surprised by how nice Blaine's apartment was – unlike his own crappy hole with no view and shutters for windows. Blaine's apartment was spacey with large windows that let the sun in. And he had an amazing kitchen.

Darkness engulfed the buildings outside and Kurt glanced at the clock on the wall. It was three am and he was aware of the chilly air as he was only dressed in his boxers. He lit a cigarette and held it between his soft lips, leaning on the railing that kept him from falling. If he jumped, he would splatter on the concrete. Just another suicide case in New York, it wasn't anything big. Just one jump and it would all be over. Life, the struggle, the happiness. What was it all for? They were all going to die one day. So why not just take the step now and be done with it? He had the power to end it in just a few seconds. But suicide was never an option for Kurt. He wasn't a quitter. He looked upon suicide as quitting, and he would never do that. Yes, he escaped from the tight grips of reality by doing drugs, but he wouldn't take his own life.

Instead he held on to the railing and took a long drag from the burning cigarette. He let the smoke fill his lungs before slowly letting it seep out of his almost closed lips. The smoke from the cigarette twirled around in the dark, reaching for the sky. But before it could get that far, it evaporated into nothing.

The last two days had been a struggle. He had to struggle just to concentrate on little things. His mind constantly jumped to the feeling of relief he needed from cocaine. He had evaluated and re-evaluated every single way he could get hold of drugs. Right after the appointment with the specialist, he and Blaine went back to his old apartment and threw away his entire supply. Every single packet of cocaine. Every single pill. It felt horrible, but at the same time it felt as though a weight was lifted from his shoulders. He could finally be free.

He wouldn't lie and say that he didn't think of cheating. That he didn't consider going back to his old dealer and get just one hit. But every time he wanted to quit, he remembered Blaine's proud face and felt guilty for even thinking about it.

When he was done with the cigarette, he flicked it over the railing and watched it as it fell down to the streets below.

Kurt headed back to the bedroom. Blaine was still fast asleep, judging the soft snores coming from his direction. Kurt slipped back under the covers and wrapped his arms around Blaine, causing him to subconsciously cringe from the cold. The doctor murmured something that Kurt couldn't make sense of. He closed his eyes and thought about the song his mother used to sing for him when he was little. Before long sleep came to him again.

He woke up the next day and felt something rough in his hand. Opening his eyes, he noticed that Blaine wasn't there anymore and there was a note in his hand. Somehow, Kurt had managed to clench his fist so hard that the note was crumpled. He sat up on the bed and rubbed the last remains of sleep away from his eyes.

The note read, "Emergency at work – had to run! Love you xx". The sender's name wasn't stated, but Kurt didn't need to read it to know who the untidy scrawl belonged to. His heart sank a little. He had wanted to spend time with Blaine today, to just exist as one unit in the apartment. Order take away, pop in a movie and cuddle. Maybe if Kurt was lucky, he would get a little something on the side, though he doubted it.

But now he just had to occupy himself in another way. He checked his cell phone and noticed a dozen of unread messages from Finn, each more worried than the last. With a prominent sigh, he pressed the call button.

Why did Kurt even care how he looked when he was going to meet his stepbrother for coffee? It wasn't like Finn would have noticed the difference whether he had worn a burlap sack or the newest Marc Jacobs jacket. Nevertheless Kurt wanted to look nice. He had lost a lot in his life, and compromised himself for less, but he didn't want to lose his identity too. He loved life with Blaine, it wasn't that, but sometimes he wondered what would happen if they broke up and Kurt had to move out and go back to his old life. It already felt as though a little part of Kurt had eroded away and replaced with Blaine's cute smile, and even though the cute smile vanished, the part of Kurt wouldn't come back.

But for now, he straightened the collar on his pinstriped shirt and buttoned the maroon vest that made his skin look even paler, giving it an ethereal glow.

He headed towards the coffee shop nearby and plumped down on a table, waiting for Finn. His dear stepbrother was naturally late. Kurt waited for ten minutes, twenty minutes and when half an hour had past, he was close to leaving, his mood worse than ever.

But before he could leave, a tall man came in, his brown hair sticking out everywhere. His broad shoulders barely fitted in the space between the door frame. Kurt looked up and rolled his eyes.

"You are late", he spat, annoyance clear in his voice.

Finn shifted uncomfortably and sat down.

"Yeah, sorry about that. Work c-", he tried to explain with a sheepish look on his face but Kurt cut him off by pushing a lidded cup to his side.

"I got it for you. It's cold, but you deserve cold coffee", Kurt sniffed indignantly. He didn't want some pathetic excuse from Finn. He didn't care what happened at work or with his boss. Finn's life was boring and he was pissed off.

Finn looked confused. What had he done that could possibly subject him to a fate of cold coffee? Kurt seemed snippier than usual, even for Kurt to be. Something was wrong.

"So.. How are you doing, lil bro?", Finn asked casually, hoping that Kurt would just tell him what was wrong. Of course it couldn't be that easy.

Kurt rolled his eyes again, already feeling the strain of the action. He had forgotten how exerting Finn was on his poor eyeballs.

"I'm not your 'lil bro', Finn. Treat me with respect", he drawled before sighing softly. He took a sip from his cup and leaned back on the hard chair before he decided to just break the news to Finn.

"I'm fine, really. Blaine and I have moved in together and I've quit drugs", he said casually. It wasn't true that he had quit drugs, as he was merely trying to quit, but the doctor said that it would help to tell people that he quit. Apparently it had something to do with the fact that people didn't want to disappoint their friends and family by starting again. And according to the doctor he wasn't trying because trying implied a chance of failure. Whatever, Kurt was trying to quit drugs and he didn't care if he disappointed Finn. Blaine, however..

"Wow wow wow.. What?", Finn exclaimed, dragging Kurt from his internal musings.

Kurt smiled patronisingly.

"I told you. I've moved in with Blaine and I'm off drugs"

Finn just shook his head rapidly.  
>"Who the fuck is Blaine?"<p>

Kurt had forgotten that he never told Finn about Blaine. Well, they rarely spoke anyways. It wasn't like Kurt could just call Finn to chit chat.

"The doctor who treated me when I overdosed", he replied with a smug smile as he took a sip from his coffee. He was proud that he landed himself a doctor, and a nice guy like Blaine no less. He knew that everyone thought that Kurt would die lonely because of his behaviour and drug problems.

"You are dating you doctor, dude?", Finn's eyes were almost popping out of his sockets. "That is so not cool"

Kurt froze.

He didn't understand why Finn just couldn't be happy for him.

"He's not my doctor, he's _a _doctor", the petite brunette retorted coldly, glaring openly at Finn. Now he remembered why he seldom met his step-brother. Finn was aggravating and somehow managed to ignore the things he wanted to ignore. Like how miserable Kurt was before, how much Kurt needed someone to take care of him.

"And he's the best thing that has happened to me in years", Kurt continued. Suddenly he didn't want to be there anymore. He was aware of his heart beating faster and faster. His palms were sticky from sweat and small beads of sweat were emerging on his upper lip. The room felt hot and the coffee tasted like ash.

"Why can't you just be happy for me?", Kurt's voice was shaking at this point. If he only had a dose, no matter how small it was, he wouldn't lose control like this.

Finn seemed lost for words and scratched his neck.  
>"It's not that I'm not happy.. It's j-..", he tried to explain but Kurt interrupted him.<p>

"I'm not interested in your pathetic excuse", he sneered.

Deciding that he couldn't stay there with Finn anymore, he got up, his step staggering a little and stormed out of the café.

When Kurt got back to Blaine's apartment, he was in a murderous rage. Why couldn't Finn just be happy for him instead of using every opportunity to pull him down? He knew that his relationship with his step-brother wasn't the best one. They didn't talk much, and when they did they quarrelled more often than not. They had never been close, despite Kurt's crush on him in high school, and Finn did a lot of things that Kurt would never understand. But ever since Burt died and Kurt started falling out of society, instead of trying to help Kurt, Finn just stood there in the sidelines, telling him how _wrong_ what he did was.

And now he was doing it again when Kurt's life was starting to look brighter. Almost as though Finn honestly didn't believe that he could do anything without screwing up majorly.

Kurt looked around the room looking for something to occupy him from the undying thirst he felt. The one he knew wouldn't go away no matter how much water he drank. He almost felt like a frigging vampire. The Craving always came back stronger than ever when he was upset. It was like a downwards spiral. When he didn't get to do drugs, he was moody and when he was moody he needed drugs more than ever.

He heard the door open behind him and Blaine's head with his curls that were tamed with copious amount of hairgel was suddenly behind him. Blaine's posture was somewhat stiff, Kurt noticed.

"You're home early", Kurt tried to keep the bitterness away from his voice. If Blaine noticed, he didn't comment on it.

"Bad day", he grunted and headed towards the kitchen, opening the fridge. He took out a carton of juice and poured himself a glass.

"What happened?", Kurt asked in a tired voice. He didn't mean to seem unenthusiastic, he was just too tired of fighting to bother put on a happy face.

"Nothing", Blaine's reply came quickly. Kurt jaw tightened. Why was he the one to have to try in this relationship? He was the one cutting himself open, emotionally bleeding in front of Blaine everyday. He was the was the one who had to struggle day and night to not go back to the life he lived before this man decided to stroll into his life. Blaine never wanted to talk about work or the things that upset him there. It just wasted fair.

"Yeah, I can see that", Kurt sneered, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

"What is that supposed to mean?", Blaine had tossed back the glass of juice and slammed in on the kitchen counter. The piercing sound of the glass hitting the marble surface made Kurt cringe inwardly, but he held his hard exterior.

"Nothing", Kurt mimicked.

"What the hell, Kurt?"

Kurt threw his arms out in the air in an annoyed fashion.

"You know what? Actually, it wasn't nothing. This is me sick and tired of you not trying", his voice rose exponentially and was shaking at this point. Kurt hated how vulnerable he sounded.

"Not trying?", Blaine pared, as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing.

Kurt could almost hear something snap inside of him.

"Yes, Blaine! Not trying. I'm tired of being the one struggling all the time. I'm tired of being the one who's dependent on you, trusting you to make me feel better whenever I'm down. And you don't even return the fucking courtesy!", he snarled.

Blaine's face was distorted into a look of utter disbelief and disappointment.

"_I_ don't try? Seriously.. You're are saying that I don't try? Have you tried to live with a recovering drug addict?", he spat.

Kurt had never seen him this mad at him before. Even though he knew that he was a drug addict, it hurt to hear Blaine just throw it out there like it didn't mean anything. Blaine was always so careful with his feelings. Before Kurt could say anything, he continued.

"And I'm so _sorry_ for not being able to act all happy and bubbly today, Kurt", he said in a voice that implied that he was truly not sorry at all.

Blaine had always been hesitant to talk about his work when he was with Kurt. He tried to keep the details away from the boy, not wanting to worry him more than it was necessary. But right now something inside him broke.

"I watched two kids die today, Kurt. I stood there, trying to save their lives, but I couldn't do anything. They died in front of my eyes. Two kids. There were barely sixteen and had their entire lives in front of them, so _sorry_ I'm not in the mood to play happy family with you right now. Not everything is about you", the last part was hushed, but Kurt heard it all the same.

Kurt froze, his face masking all emotions. A trait he picked up when he realised that life would never give him what he wanted. And he was a fool to think that it would work this time as well.

"Fuck you, Blaine", he shook his head slowly and inhaled. "I'm leaving". There was a sense of finality in his voice. He couldn't do this anymore. Blaine wasn't worth the pain and torture he inflicted upon himself.

Grabbing his wallet and his keys from the table, he headed for the door.

"Goodbye, Doctor Anderson", he called, not looking back once as he stormed out.


End file.
